The Gent's Cheat Sheet » Etiquette

Know What Your Email Address Says About You

Trey — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:48:15 +0000

The email address you choose–and even the provider–can send strong signals. Do you know which messages you’re conveying? Jason Fitzpatrick at Lifehacker brought up several good points in a recent post. His general premise is this:

“Like your clothing, your hair style, and your manner of speaking, your email address is part of your personal image. Certainly it’s a type of prejudice that a hiring manager might look over you because you have an “antiquated” email address or a “stupid” username, but that’s not entirely different than a hiring manager being unimpressed that you showed up to a job interview sans a neck tie. Sure it might be unimportant or silly to you and you might say “I wouldn’t want to work at a company that uptight anyhow,” but it’s worth taking into consideration because whether or not a prejudice—big or small!—is fair or reasonable, it is still out there.”

A couple of major points:

The username you select is vastly more important than the provider you use. Firstname.lastname@aol.com is preferred to and more respectable than sexkitten2010@aol.com—cutesy, offensive, or unprofessional nicknames are big mistakes.

Domains are important, especially in technology-related fields. An AOL address might be just as serviceable as any other address when it comes to sending and receiving mail but to most people in tech fields it says “Hi. I’m from 1996. What is this internet you speak of?”

I don’t have much to add since Jason does a pretty good job of covering the topic. The internet continues to blur the line between the personal and professional spheres, but we still have a certain level of control over the image we project in each. The choice of an email address is as a good a place to start as any.

Stay Alive With Restroom Etiquette

Trey — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:57:58 +0000

The Gent’s Cheat Sheet

Stay Alive With Restroom Etiquette

Most social norms go without saying. In fact, that’s a big part of the reason they’re called social norms–by definition, they’re standards of behavior that have become so engrained that to state them should be entirely unnecessary. These norms are important—not only for their inherent value (there’s usually a good reason they become accepted), but because as gents, it’s our job to know what sort of behavior is acceptable and what must never, ever, ever occur (see: “The Comb-Over”).

Case in point: bathroom etiquette.

It would seem that the basic rules would fall into the “goes without saying” category, but unfortunately it seems that there will always be the 20 percent or so that just don’t seem to get the message. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about the most complicated of rules here—these are the most basic standards that all men should have no choice but follow.

If you research the topic online, you’ll find a wealth of information (as with everything, some valuable, much of it nonsense). There are even entire websites devoted to this important topic. Think I’m kidding? Check out the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette. This site covers every possible scenario…work, home, international, sinks, stalls, etc.—you name it. As you can see, this is a serious, serious topic! :)

For a good starting point, check out five basic rules from the ICBE for workplace etiquette. Among other things, these rules cover basics like washing your hands (duh!) and the cardinal sin of talking business between stalls.

Of course, codes of conduct that have taken thousands of years to develop can’t be quickly summarized in five rules. Some bathroom situations take some careful consideration—and in the most extreme situations, a willingness to even walk away and find another bathroom.

There are other resources to draw on, of course–here’s a good video that outlines the basics of urinal selection:

I know that I’m preaching to the choir here, since as gents you all have a very good feel what for what’s acceptable and what isn’t. But we all know people who don’t—and no one wants to be “that guy,” so do your friends a favor and help them understand what the rest of us already know. Even if YOU like bathroom conversations, or if you don’t mind shaking hands with people who walked out without washing—do it for the rest of us. We’re in this together!

These are serious rules, gents…so pay attention. Learn them. Live them. Love them. Expect nothing less from those around you. And maybe, just maybe, we can keep this ship on course.

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower

Trey — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 15:43:18 +0000

The way we eat can often be reflective of our general approach to life, but it’s not only a gauge—our pace can also have a direct impact on our personal well being and interactions throughout the day. Slowing down is a great way to keep your cool in general, but here are five additional benefits that can easily come from applying the principle at meals. In addition to the five reasons Leo notes, I’d also add that slowing down at meals also has an important social benefit—it allows you focus on the people you’re eating with and enjoy the conversation. It’s always nice to have meals center not on the food but on the company. Thanks as always to Leo Babauta for his thoughts. -tg

By Leo Babauta, editor of zenhabits.net.

If you read the Slow Food Manifesto, you’ll see that it’s not just about health — it’s about a lifestyle. And whether you want to adopt that lifestyle or not, there are some reasons you should consider the simple act of eating slower:

One of the problems in our daily lives is that many of us rush through the day, with no time for anything … and when we have time to get a bite to eat, we gobble it down.

That leads to stressful, unhealthy living.

And with the simple but powerful act of eating slower, we can begin to reverse that lifestyle immediately. How hard is it? You take smaller bites, you chew each bite slower and longer, and you enjoy your meal longer.

It takes a few minutes extra each meal, and yet it can have profound effects.

You may have already heard of the Slow Food Movement, started in Italy almost two decades ago to counter the fast food movement. Everything that fast food is, Slow Food isn’t.

Lose weight. A growing number of studies confirm that just by eating slower, you’ll consume fewer calories — in fact, enough to lose 20 pounds a year without doing anything different or eating anything different. The reason is that it takes about 20 minutes for our brains to register that we’re full. If we eat fast, we can continue eating past the point where we’re full. If we eat slowly, we have time to realize we’re full, and stop on time. Now, I would still recommend that you eat healthier foods, but if you’re looking to lose weight, eating slowly should be a part of your new lifestyle.
Enjoy your food. This reason is just as powerful, in my opinion. It’s hard to enjoy your food if it goes by too quickly. In fact, I think it’s fine to eat sinful foods, if you eat a small amount slowly. Think about it: you want to eat sinful foods (desserts, fried foods, pizza, etc.) because they taste good. But if you eat them fast, what’s the point? If you eat them slowly, you can get the same amount of great taste, but with less going into your stomach. That’s math that works for me. And that argument aside, I think you are just happier by tasting great food and enjoying it fully, by eating slowly. Make your meals a gastronomic pleasure, not a thing you do rushed, between stressful events.
Better digestion. If you eat slower, you’ll chew your food better, which leads to better digestion. Digestion actually starts in the mouth, so the more work you do up there, the less you’ll have to do in your stomach. This can help lead to fewer digestive problems.
Less stress. Eating slowly, and paying attention to our eating, can be a great form ofmindfulness exercise. Be in the moment, rather than rushing through a meal thinking about what you need to do next. When you eat, you should eat. This kind of mindfulness, I believe, will lead to a less stressful life, and long-term happiness. Give it a try.
Rebel against fast food and fast life. Our hectic, fast-paced, stressful, chaotic lives — the Fast Life — leads to eating Fast Food, and eating it quickly. This is a lifestyle that is dehumanizing us, making us unhealthy, stressed out, and unhappy. We rush through our day, doing one mindless task after another, without taking the time to live life, to enjoy life, to relate to each other, to be human. That’s not a good thing in my book. Instead, rebel against that entire lifestyle and philosophy … with the small act of eating slower. Don’t eat Fast Food. Eat at a good restaurant, or better yet, cook your own food and enjoy it fully. Taste life itself.

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower at Zen Habits.

How to Pick a Playlist When Hosting an Event

Trey — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:20:34 +0000

We all have our own preferred music, but the bands we rock out to in the car or gym don’t always play as well at a dinner party or other formal event. Of course, it’s entirely possible that Linkin Park or Incubus will go over great with the baby boomers–but it’s probably better to pick something a little more subtle until it’s just friends left.

So how do you pick an event playlist when it’s hard enough to stay on top of the genres that you already know and listen to every day? It’s not an easy task–but as someone who really loves music, I’ve spent what many might consider too much time contemplating the issue. Let me try to spare you the agony of going through the same thing by offering a few simple suggestions.

Before considering what specific music to play at any event, it’s important to first understand the intent–what role is the music intended to play? Typically, music isn’t the focus of the event, and if anything (content, style, volume, etc.) ends up mismatched it can become distracting fairly quickly. No matter the type of event, music typically should be geared towards two objectives:

It should helps guests enjoy themselves
It should make guests feel comfortable

You do want your guests to feel relaxed and have good associations, right? :) So with those two objectives in mind, let’s consider a few factors:

This should go without saying, but the formality of the music should correspond with the formality of the event. You wouldn’t play classical music at a BBQ–neither would you play Lynyrd Skynyrd at a black tie dinner (exceptions abound, of course).
The majority of the music should be consistent with the overall mood you’re trying to set–if it’s fast and upbeat, play uptempo music about two thirds of the time and let off the gas for a bit by throwing in some more relaxed fare as well. Similarly, if you’re hoping to have a relaxing evening, still remember to include some faster tunes about a third of the time. You have to vary it up–if it’s all fast-paced or mellow you’ll either wear people out or bore them to death. There has to be enough variation to give your guests a break and keep them interested.
In all cases, the music should be upbeat and generally positive, regardless of the tempo. ”Downer” lyrics are almost always something to avoid (so resist the temptation to play Johnny Cash’s cover of Hurt, no matter how great it is). Give your guests positive associations with the event!
Remember that certain genres just aren’t suited for more formal affairs. I like hard rock as much as anyone out there, but it’s better suited for playing cards or pool, and not necessarily having a quiet conversation with a boss or explaining something to your neighbor’s kid. Maybe it’s rap for someone else. Just remember, if the music is something you couldn’t play for a elementary school class or your mother, it’s probably best to leave it out. Again, there are exceptions to everything–but the general principle applies. If you want guests to feel comfortable, keep it safe until it’s just close friends left–then feel free to rock out.
Consider your audience. If you want your guests to feel comfortable, pick something that’s not too much of a stretch. It doesn’t matter how great the playist is, if your guests are expecting something else it’ll put a damper on things.
If you’re confident in your song selections, feel free to play music that you know others have never hear but you know they’d like. Otherwise, it’s best to go with what people know–especially classic songs with which people have a positive associations. For a formal dinner, this might be Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon. For a BBQ, maybe it’s Jack and Diane or Hotel California.
Finally (and this isn’t specific to your playlist), don’t sweat it too much–and pay as little attention as possible to things like music after your guests arrive. Anything intended to enhance an evening should do just that–and the last thing you want to do is constantly be changing things, talking about how hard you worked, or worrying about whether people are enjoying or noticing the details. Just relax and don’t sweat the small stuff–there are much more important aspects to the evening than things like music. The easiest way to ensure your guests won’t notice something you regret is to not draw attention to it. Nothing makes guests feel more uneasy than a host who obviously isn’t comfortable in their own environment. Lead the way in relaxing and having fun!

For specific recommendations geared toward certain genres or events, keep checking back–we’re working on lists of our personal favorites. Feel free to post your own thoughts or recommendations in the comments!

-tg