The Gent's Cheat Sheet » Personal Growth

TED Conference Video – Tony Robbins on Motivations

Trey — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 05:56:38 +0000

If you haven’t taken the time to watch TED videos, they’re well worth the time. This one is from Tony Robbins and focuses on the things that motivate our actions.

Don’t Let Your Strength Become Your Weakness

Trey — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:47:40 +0000

Moderation is a quality that’s easily under-appreciated, especially for things that are generally accepted as desirable or good. Take positive character attributes—is it possible to have too much?

Gill Corkindale at the Harvard Business Blog argues that the answer is yes, because our biggest strengths can easily become our biggest weaknesses, often unexpectedly.

“There is always an optimal point: confidence that doesn’t border on arrogance, wit that doesn’t slide into sarcasm, and diligence that doesn’t become perfectionism. I have observed many leaders who have fallen into the strengths/weaknesses trap. Having been praised and rewarded for demonstrating particular strengths throughout their careers, they become blind to the shadow sides of these strengths. Often, this blind spot can derail a career.”

It makes sense that even a good thing can be taken too far, but most people probably don’t consider the possibility that their strongest traits could actually cause them harm. Citing a decade-long study of 18,000 UK leaders, Gill explains:

"They identified 11 derailers — strengths which turned into flaws under pressure. These include shrewd-mistrustful; charming-manipulative; vivacious-dramatic; and diligent-perfectionist. These "Dark Side Characteristics" were present in 85 percent of the leaders surveyed, with 16 percent having three dark-side characteristics."

Only by acknowledging potential “dark sides” of strengths can the need for moderation become apparent—if there aren’t any drawbacks, how could more NOT be better?

Check out Gill’s thoughts or the original study for more.

-Trey

8 Ways Doing Less Can Transform Your Work and Life

Trey — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:21:53 +0000

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” - Antoine de Saint Exupery

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

Most productivity blogs and books will teach you how to do more, to get more done, to be more productive.

I want to teach you to do less, to get less done, to be less productive.

And while I’ve written about it before, I think it’s time we take a look at how this can really change your work life, and your life as a whole.

Doing less is not about being lazy (though being lazy is a good start) — it’s about focusing on quality rather than quantity. It’s about getting off the hamster wheel of productivity, so that you can create something great rather than just being busy.

Let’s take a few examples:

A furniture maker can mass-produce a ton of cheap furniture that will fall apart within a year. Another craftsman might produce way fewer pieces of furniture, but make them beautifully and solidly, so that they’ll last for generations. If he makes them well enough, they might even be sought out and remembered for their great design.
A programmer can write tens of thousands of lines of code, and produce a lot of software that works. A less productive coder can write a tenth of the lines, perhaps even editing down what she writes so that there’s less code, but they’re better written. This small program might be the most useful thing on many people’s computers, flawless code that just works.
A writer can churn out lots of words (hundreds of thousands, if not millions), but have his work read by relatively few. Another writer can write a small but powerful blog post or ebook, and have the post be spread by thousands of people.

In each case, the person produced less, but focused on quality. The impact of the smaller work was higher, and thus the time worked was better spent.

I’d argue that by focusing on quality, you could work less and still have a higher impact. I’ve done this in my life — by cutting back on my work hours, I actually get less done but have a higher impact.

I should note: this takes courage, to do less. You have to shed all the old ideas of working harder and working more and being more productive. You have to forget about what others thing about your work habits, and instead think about the impact the work has on the world and your life. You have to change the way you do things, and that’s never easy.

But it’s worth the effort.

Here are some ways this philosophy can change your life and work:

Less hectic, busy schedule, less stress, more peace. Doing less leaves free to schedule less, leave more space in your schedule, work at a more human pace.
More ability to focus, to find Flow, to work in the moment. When you are doing too much, you are constantly switching from one task to another, constantly interrupted, constantly distracted. Do less, clear away distractions, single-task.
Work has more impact and spreads further and wider. When you do too much, your work is spread thinner, you have lower quality, and people won’t spread your work or give you awards for low-quality work.
More pride in your work, which feels good. Feels awesome, actually, to create something worth putting your name on.
People appreciate higher quality. Customers rave. Readers enthuse. Reviewers glow. Bosses promote.
More time for family and loved ones. Not a small benefit. Be sure that if you do less, you use the saved time for something important. Like quiet time for the ones you love.
More time for other things you enjoy. I use my time for exercise, or reading, and of course my family.
Free yourself up to create amazing things. Creating is hard to do when you’re busy and distracted. By doing less, you can create something great.

How to Do Less

I almost didn’t include this section, as to me it seems obvious: you just … do less. But I realize it’s not obvious to everyone, so I’ll share a few tips (many are familiar to long-time readers):

Slowly cut back on non-essential commitments.
Have fewer meetings.
Say no to requests, as much as possible, so you can focus on doing something great.
Cut out distractions, especially the Internet.
Single-task and focus.
Churn out a shitty first draft, then edit.
Edit some more. Make it beautiful and minimal.
Make it something you will be proud to claim credit for.
When you find yourself doing busy-work, stop, put it off, find ways to cut that out of your life.
Whatever blocks you from doing your great work, kill it.
Set limits on how many things you do each day.
Focus on the most important tasks first, before you get distracted.
Set limits on your work hours.

It won’t happen overnight. Change gradually, but surely.

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.” - E.F. Schumacker

[Editor's note: As always, thanks to Leo Babauta for his thoughts and willingness to share them.

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at one of our favorite blogs, http://zenhabits.net. Used with the author’s permission.

Original Article at Zen Habits.]

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: How to Successfully Engrain a Behavior

Trey — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:13:27 +0000

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle

Guest post by Leo Babauta.

Our daily lives are often a series of habits played out through the day, a trammeled existence fettered by the slow accretion of our previous actions.

But habits can be changed, as difficult as that may seem sometimes.

I’m a living example: in tiny, almost infinitesimal steps, I’ve changed a laundry list of habits. Quit smoking, stopped impulse spending, got out of debt, began running and waking early and eating healthier and becoming frugal and simplifying my life and becoming organized and focused and productive, ran three marathons and a couple of triathlons, started a few successful blogs, eliminated my debt … you get the picture.

It’s possible.

And while I’ve written about habit change many times over the course of the life of Zen Habits, today I thought I’d put the best tips all together in one cheatsheet, for those new to the blog and for those who could use the reminders.

Keep it simple
Habit change is not that complicated. While the tips below will seem overwhelming, there’s really only a few things you need to know. Everything else is just helping these to become reality.

The simple steps of habit change:

1. Write down your plan.

2. Identify your triggers and replacement habits.

3. Focus on doing the replacement habits every single time the triggers happen, for about 30 days.

That’s it. We’ll talk more about each of these steps, and much more, in the cheatsheet below.

The Habit Change Cheatsheet
The following is a compilation of tips to help you change a habit. Don’t be overwhelmed — always remember the simple steps above. The rest are different ways to help you become more successful in your habit change.

1. Do just one habit at a time. Extremely important. Habit change is difficult, even with just one habit. If you do more than one habit at a time, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Keep it simple, allow yourself to focus, and give yourself the best chance for success. Btw, this is why New Year’s resolutions often fail — people try to tackle more than one change at a time.

2. Start small. The smaller the better, because habit change is difficult, and trying to take on too much is a recipe for disaster. Want to exercise? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Want to wake up earlier? Try just 10 minutes earlier for now. Or consider half habits.

3. Do a 30-day Challenge. In my experience, it takes about 30 days to change a habit, if you’re focused and consistent. This is a round number and will vary from person to person and habit to habit. Often you’ll read a magical “21 days” to change a habit, but this is a myth with no evidence. Seriously — try to find the evidence from a scientific study for this. A more recent study shows that 66 days is a better number (read more). But 30 days is a good number to get you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit every day for 30 days, and post your daily progress updates to a forum.

4. Write it down. Just saying you’re going to change the habit is not enough of a commitment. You need to actually write it down, on paper. Write what habit you’re going to change.

5. Make a plan. While you’re writing, also write down a plan. This will ensure you’re really prepared. The plan should include your reasons (motivations) for changing, obstacles, triggers, support buddies, and other ways you’re going to make this a success. More on each of these below.

6. Know your motivations, and be sure they’re strong. Write them down in your plan. You have to be very clear why you’re doing this, and the benefits of doing it need to be clear in your head. If you’re just doing it for vanity, while that can be a good motivator, it’s not usually enough. We need something stronger. For me, I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I made a promise to them. I knew if I didn’t smoke, not only would they be without a husband and father, but they’d be more likely to smoke themselves (my wife was a smoker and quit with me).

7. Don’t start right away. In your plan, write down a start date. Maybe a week or two from the date you start writing out the plan. When you start right away (like today), you are not giving the plan the seriousness it deserves. When you have a “Quit Date” or “Start Date”, it gives that date an air of significance. Tell everyone about your quit date (or start date). Put it up on your wall or computer desktop. Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and excitement, and helps you to prepare.

8. Write down all your obstacles. If you’ve tried this habit change before (odds are you have), you’ve likely failed. Reflect on those failures, and figure out what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every obstacle that’s happened to you, and others that are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan to overcome them. That’s the key: write down your solution before the obstacles arrive, so you’re prepared.

9. Identify your triggers. What situations trigger your current habit? For the smoking habit, for example, triggers might include waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc. Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan.

10. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” — Mark Twain

11. Plan a support system. Who will you turn to when you have a strong urge? Write these people into your plan. Support forums online are a great tool as well — I used a smoking cessation forum on about.com when I quit smoking, and it really helped. Don’t underestimate the power of support — it’s really important.

12. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Ask them for their help, and let them know how important this is. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

13. Become aware of self-talk. You talk to yourself, in your head, all the time — but often we’re not aware of these thoughts. Start listening. These thoughts can derail any habit change, any goal. Often they’re negative: “I can’t do this. This is too difficult. Why am I putting myself through this? How bad is this for me anyway? I’m not strong enough. I don’t have enough discipline. I suck.” It’s important to know you’re doing this.

14. Stay positive. You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

15. Have strategies to defeat the urge. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable, and they’re strong. But they’re also temporary, and beatable. Urges usually last about a minute or two, and they come in waves of varying strength. You just need to ride out the wave, and the urge will go away. Some strategies for making it through the urge: deep breathing, self-massage, eat some frozen grapes, take a walk, exercise, drink a glass of water, call a support buddy, post on a support forum.

16. Prepare for the sabotagers. There will always be people who are negative, who try to get you to do your old habit. Be ready for them. Confront them, and be direct: you don’t need them to try to sabotage you, you need their support, and if they can’t support you then you don’t want to be around them.

17. Talk to yourself. Be your own cheerleader, give yourself pep talks, repeat your mantra (below), and don’t be afraid to seem crazy to others. We’ll see who’s crazy when you’ve changed your habit and they’re still lazy, unhealthy slobs!

18. Have a mantra. For quitting smoking, mine was “Not One Puff Ever” (I didn’t make this up, but it worked — more on this below). When I wanted to quit my day job, it was “Liberate Yourself”. This is just a way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to do.

19. Use visualization. This is powerful. Vividly picture, in your head, successfully changing your habit. Visualize doing your new habit after each trigger, overcoming urges, and what it will look like when you’re done. This seems new-agey, but it really works.

20. Have rewards. Regular ones. You might see these as bribes, but actually they’re just positive feedback. Put these into your plan, along with the milestones at which you’ll receive them.

21. Take it one urge at a time. Often we’re told to take it one day at a time — which is good advice — but really it’s one urge at a time. Just make it through this urge.

22. Not One Puff Ever (in other words, no exceptions). This seems harsh, but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger, and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit, you need to be really consistent. You can’t do it sometimes, or there will be no new bond, or at least it will take a really really long time to form. So, at least for the first 30 days (and preferably 60), you need to have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens, you need to do the new habit and not the old one. No exceptions, or you’ll have a backslide. If you do mess up, regroup, learn from your mistake, plan for your success, and try again (see the last item on this list).

23. Get rest. Being tired leaves us vulnerable to relapse. Get a lot of rest so you can have the energy to overcome urges.

24. Drink lots of water. Similar to the item above, being dehydrated leaves us open to failure. Stay hydrated!

25. Renew your commitment often. Remind yourself of your commitment hourly, and at the beginning and end of each day. Read your plan. Celebrate your success. Prepare yourself for obstacles and urges.

26. Set up public accountability. Blog about it, post on a forum, email your commitment and daily progress to friend and family, post a chart up at your office, write a column for your local newspaper (I did this when I ran my first marathon). When we make it public — not just the commitment but the progress updates — we don’t want to fail.

27. Engineer it so it’s hard to fail. Create a groove that’s harder to get out of than to stay in: increase positive feedback for sticking with the habit, and increase negative feedback for not doing the habit. Read more on this method.

28. Avoid some situations where you normally do your old habit, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

29. If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again. Don’t let failure and guilt stop you. They’re just obstacles, but they can be overcome. In fact, if you learn from each failure, they become stepping stones to your success. Regroup. Let go of guilt. Learn. Plan. And get back on that horse.

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones. – Benjamin Franklin

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: 29 Ways to Successfully Ingrain a Behavior at Zenhabits.

Is Your Playlist Undermining Your Effectiveness?

Trey — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 02:53:27 +0000

Music has a powerful—and often underappreciated—effect on the human brain and our emotions. As a result, what we listen to can easily (and inadvertently) have a tremendous impact on our mental state and on the quality of our interactions throughout the day. So if it has a strong emotional component, what types of music—and which corresponding emotions—do we want as influences?

When picking a playlist for an important event, we usually take great care to select music that’s consistent with, and contributes to, the ambience or mood. So we’ll take care to ensure that our guests are comfortable and relaxed—but how often do we actually do the same thing in our own lives?

There’s a reason music (especially certain types, most notably rock and rap) is used for activities like working out or sports—it’s a great performance-enhancing tool. In other words, it pumps you up; it’s inspiring. It’s motivational. It can quicken your step or help you summon the energy to get one last set in. But is adrenaline-fueled, playing field performance the type you’re looking for in your day job? Do you really want to be pumped up right before a meeting or event where it’s very important to keep your cool? If you wouldn’t listen to Enya before working out, why listen to aggressive music when you need to stay positive or relaxed? Or before trying to fall asleep?

Here’s what I’ve realized:

If my goal is to walk to into a room in a collected manner, it seems counterproductive to listen to my workout playlist on the drive over. Just like it’s hard to rush down a hallway and then to walk calmly and quietly into a meeting, it’s also hard to shut off other influences instantaneously.

This may seem like a no-brainer to quite a few of you, but it’s something that has only dawned on me recently. I generally listen to rock, so I didn’t realize what I was missing until I actually started listening to genuinely relaxing music and noticed what a big difference it made. So now if I’m driving to a meeting or trying to unwind in the evening, I find that consciously picking relaxing music can have a big impact on how I approach things. I haven’t stopped listening to the music I love, I’m just more aware of the effect that it has on me.

Since so much of life is already predetermined, I think it’s important to realize that your mental and emotional state doesn’t always have to be a byproduct of an environment that’s beyond your control. There may be times when you have no choice but to accept your surroundings for what they are—but it’s also possible to adapt your surroundings to your objectives, rather than the other way around.

Your music is as good a place to start as any.

-tg

The Slow Secret: How to Make Lasting Changes in Your Life

Trey — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:06:55 +0000

“Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.” – William Shakespeare

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

How many times have you rushed into making changes in your life — a habit change, learning a new skill — only to have it flop?

It’s not just the New Year’s Resolution Syndrome — it happens too often at all times of the year, that we run out of steam or get discouraged and give up.

But here’s the secret, and I won’t charge you $29.95 for it: go slowly.

This little change has more power than most people realize. It will help to learn any skill, from martial arts to art to computer activities. It will help form habits that are long-lasting. Slowing down will help you become more effective and ironically, help reach goals faster.

If you’ve ever tried T’ai Chi (or Taijiquan), famous for its series of slow movements and poses, you’ve felt the power of slow. The slower you go in T’ai Chi, the better, for many reasons. One effect of this slowness is that you perfect the movements. And your body adapts, forming muscle memories that will last when (and if) you decide to speed up the movements.

It’s as if your body and mind are forming a groove through continual repetition of the movements. If you move quickly, you’ll be erratic, and the groove will be much more difficult to form. If you move slowly, you can learn to move in exactly the same pattern, in a more precise way, and a groove will form. Once the groove is formed, it becomes easier. It’s now habit, unconscious memory, and automatic.

This is habit formation, and usually it’s done without thought. When we drive home and our minds are on something else, but we make the right motions to get home anyway … this is habit, this is our minds and bodies going in a groove we’ve formed by doing these actions so many times before.

The groove is best formed by going slow, at first.

This applies to anything: exercise, eating healthy, creating art, becoming a patient parent, carpentry, reading. Slow is the secret to making it last. And no, that’s not meant to be dirty.

Some of the reasons slow works, besides forming a groove:

1. Mindfulness. When you do something slowly, you can pay more attention to what you’re doing. I highly recommend that when you make changes, you do them mindfully, with full concentration. This increased awareness is necessary in the beginning, when you’re still forming the groove. Later, it’ll become automatic, but at first it’s anything but. You need to pay attention, and you can do this better when you do it slower.

2. You hold yourself back. Holding ourselves back is often considered a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the best thing we can do, if we want changes to last. When we start a new change, often we are full of enthusiasm. But then we go all out and use up all of that enthusiasm, and run out of motivation or energy or get distracted by something else. But when you hold yourself back, you build up enthusiasm and keep it going for much longer — through that dreaded 2-3 week barrier when people often quit. So even if you want to run 3 miles at first, start with walking and then run-walking (in intervals), and only do a mile or so. You’ll want to do more, but stop yourself. Save that enthusiasm for next time.

3. You learn it right. Doing something slowly means you can learn to do it correctly, without being erratic, and later as it becomes second nature you’ll do it the right way. The importance is obvious in something like martial arts, but it’s also true in any physical activity. And every activity is physical (and mental).

4. Increased focus. When you do something slowly, you tend to do just one thing. It’s hard to multi-task and do something slowly — they don’t mix well. When you single-task, you can focus, instead of always being distracted. This leads to increased effectiveness.

5. Calm. Slow is calmer. Fast is hectic. Go slow to get rid of the chaos, and find peace.

“Slow down, everyone. You’re moving too fast.” – Jack Johnson

[Editor's note: As always, thanks to Leo Babauta for his thoughts and willingness to share them. - tg]

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at http://zenhabits.net. Used with the author’s permission.

Original Article at Zen Habits.

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower

Trey — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 15:43:18 +0000

The way we eat can often be reflective of our general approach to life, but it’s not only a gauge—our pace can also have a direct impact on our personal well being and interactions throughout the day. Slowing down is a great way to keep your cool in general, but here are five additional benefits that can easily come from applying the principle at meals. In addition to the five reasons Leo notes, I’d also add that slowing down at meals also has an important social benefit—it allows you focus on the people you’re eating with and enjoy the conversation. It’s always nice to have meals center not on the food but on the company. Thanks as always to Leo Babauta for his thoughts. -tg

By Leo Babauta, editor of zenhabits.net.

If you read the Slow Food Manifesto, you’ll see that it’s not just about health — it’s about a lifestyle. And whether you want to adopt that lifestyle or not, there are some reasons you should consider the simple act of eating slower:

One of the problems in our daily lives is that many of us rush through the day, with no time for anything … and when we have time to get a bite to eat, we gobble it down.

That leads to stressful, unhealthy living.

And with the simple but powerful act of eating slower, we can begin to reverse that lifestyle immediately. How hard is it? You take smaller bites, you chew each bite slower and longer, and you enjoy your meal longer.

It takes a few minutes extra each meal, and yet it can have profound effects.

You may have already heard of the Slow Food Movement, started in Italy almost two decades ago to counter the fast food movement. Everything that fast food is, Slow Food isn’t.

Lose weight. A growing number of studies confirm that just by eating slower, you’ll consume fewer calories — in fact, enough to lose 20 pounds a year without doing anything different or eating anything different. The reason is that it takes about 20 minutes for our brains to register that we’re full. If we eat fast, we can continue eating past the point where we’re full. If we eat slowly, we have time to realize we’re full, and stop on time. Now, I would still recommend that you eat healthier foods, but if you’re looking to lose weight, eating slowly should be a part of your new lifestyle.
Enjoy your food. This reason is just as powerful, in my opinion. It’s hard to enjoy your food if it goes by too quickly. In fact, I think it’s fine to eat sinful foods, if you eat a small amount slowly. Think about it: you want to eat sinful foods (desserts, fried foods, pizza, etc.) because they taste good. But if you eat them fast, what’s the point? If you eat them slowly, you can get the same amount of great taste, but with less going into your stomach. That’s math that works for me. And that argument aside, I think you are just happier by tasting great food and enjoying it fully, by eating slowly. Make your meals a gastronomic pleasure, not a thing you do rushed, between stressful events.
Better digestion. If you eat slower, you’ll chew your food better, which leads to better digestion. Digestion actually starts in the mouth, so the more work you do up there, the less you’ll have to do in your stomach. This can help lead to fewer digestive problems.
Less stress. Eating slowly, and paying attention to our eating, can be a great form ofmindfulness exercise. Be in the moment, rather than rushing through a meal thinking about what you need to do next. When you eat, you should eat. This kind of mindfulness, I believe, will lead to a less stressful life, and long-term happiness. Give it a try.
Rebel against fast food and fast life. Our hectic, fast-paced, stressful, chaotic lives — the Fast Life — leads to eating Fast Food, and eating it quickly. This is a lifestyle that is dehumanizing us, making us unhealthy, stressed out, and unhappy. We rush through our day, doing one mindless task after another, without taking the time to live life, to enjoy life, to relate to each other, to be human. That’s not a good thing in my book. Instead, rebel against that entire lifestyle and philosophy … with the small act of eating slower. Don’t eat Fast Food. Eat at a good restaurant, or better yet, cook your own food and enjoy it fully. Taste life itself.

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower at Zen Habits.

How to Manage Your Ego So You Can Reach Your Full Potential

Trey — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:25:25 +0000

What’s your primary motivation in life?

Most of us want to achieve something in life…but there are time when our aspirations go beyond being a good steward of the opportunities we’ve been given and taken on a life of their own. They can even be masked in noble terminology like wanting to “leave a legacy” — not an inherently negative thing, but when our egos take charge any noble thing can easily become more about the person and less about the work being accomplished.

Dumb Little Man discussed the Ego yesterday, using movies characters (Johhny Depp as George Jung in Blow, and Denzel Washington as Frank Lucas in American Gangster) as examples of egos run amok. They also shared six signs that someone might be ego-driven.

Check out the article for full descriptions, but these six signs are:

Concern with the approval of others
Fear of asking for help
Comparing and Competing
The constant need for more
Lack of presence
The need to always be right

If found their thought on comparing yourself particularly good:

“People who are driven by ego often fall victim to what I call the comparative and competitive disadvantage. Comparing yourself to others is the ego in one of its most vicious forms. It’s a perpetual losing battle because there will always be somebody better and always somebody worse than you are. Even if you are the best in the world at what you do somebody will always be right on your tail. If you keep seeing your life as a competition with those around you, then you will continually be dissatisfied and the ego will drive your life.”

These are good to keep in mind, especially in a competitive, Type-A culture where everything is about competition and “getting ahead.” I’m sure that many of the factors driving egos are more complicated than I could really comprehend or explain, by I have a suspicion that competitive and aggressive environments that measure us in terms of our outward achievements have to play some kind of role. Or maybe it has less to do with our environment and more to do with basic human nature. In any case, these six signs are good to keep in mind.

-Trey

[How to Manage Your Ego So You Can Reach Your Full Potential at Dumb Little Man]

Peacock Photo by BS_Thurner_Hof, GNU 1.2 License

Keep Your Cool by Walking Slowly

timmyg — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:35:28 +0000

We’re in a rat race. You’ve seen it: the business men running down the sidewalk to make a meeting, the women speed-walking down the street without even noticing your presence. The human race is in a seemingly endless race to get ahead in life, the point being to advance oneself at a faster rate than anyone else. A gentleman doesn’t approach life with such an attitude.

This is not to say that a gentleman is not successful. A gentleman uses his wits and talent to become successful. However, this should not consume him. A gentleman has class, sophistication, and is content in all situations. So how is one to practice this ever important concept of contentment?

An easy way to begin is to practice walking slowly. Walk slowly wherever you go. This is not just when you are taking a walk around the block, but when you are out to lunch, when you are on your way to work or school. Whenever you need to walk somewhere! So, why do this you ask?

Well, to start, slow walking:

1. Keeps you calm and unstressed – We tend to rush to wherever we are going…even when we aren’t late! When you force yourself into a hurry, you will feel like you are late. If you slow it down a sense of calmness is easier to achieve. After all, we all know and love Thomas Jefferson’s quote: “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”

2. Allows you to focus on your surroundings – You’ve heard the term-Stop and smell the roses. Not only does this allow you to truly appreciate the world around you, but a Gent must always be aware of everything going on around him. It enables him to react to any situation-to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances!!

3. Keeps things in perspective – Moving your feet faster doesn’t make the earth spin faster! Of course there are times when you’ll need to get somewhere quickly, but most of the time the time you save isn’t worth the added stress!

Remember you’re just a human being on earth for a limited amount of time, so slow down, enjoy the walk, and keep your cool!

-TimmyG

Eight Stress-Busting Tips

Trey — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:45:48 +0000

There may be times when the easiest way to get rid of stress is just to avoid stressful situations. For all the rest, check out today’s post from Dumb Little Man on ways to eliminate stress. They’re all common sense and include both physical factors (exercise, sleep, diet, etc.) and mental approaches (taking breaks, doing one thing at a time).

One tip that resonates with me was also the subject of a post I wrote earlier this week—eliminating caffeine. I also like the reminder to focus and avoid trying to multitask (says the person with twelve open browsers right now!).

Personally, I think the Office Space approach of destroying electronic equipment might be enough in many cases–and I can’t help but feel like life might be a lot more enjoyable if computers weren’t around. Then again, nah—if it wasn’t computers it would just be something else. Maybe I just need to learn to not open up all those browsers windows to begin with.

Ok, it’s almost 11pm…time to go get some coffee!

Kill Your Stress: Eight Stress-Busting Tips

Stressed? Ditch the Caffeine.

Trey — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:57:13 +0000

If you struggle with stress or anxiety, there might be an easy solution.

Caffeine has been something of a fairly constant struggle for me for about a decade now, during which time I’ve often used it as a crutch to help focus, wake up in the morning, or even just make my hour-plus commute more bearable. I don’t care for coffee, so my intake has typically come from diet soda, or occasionally in the form of caffeine (no-doz) pills. I should note that there are some very real benefits that caffeine can provide, and when used in moderation it can serve a very useful purpose. Over time, though, I’ve come to the realization that caffeine is exceptionally counterproductive and undermines almost everything I care about. Without trying to sound dramatic, caffeine has poisoned my life.

Before you get defensive and say “hey, there’s nothing wrong with my one morning cup of coffee!” let me say: you’re probably right. Caffeine doesn’t have the same effect on all people, and I’m a big proponent of moderation in all things. It can be just as bad to rule out a very effective tool like caffeine right off the bat as it can be to overuse it. All I can do is point to my own experiences and suggest that it’s important to consider the impact that caffeine has—and then approach it responsibly. For the longest time I never realized how caffeine was affecting me or how much I was actually consuming, so if all this note does is get you to at least consider the influence of caffeine in your life you’ll be much better off than I was when I embarked down the road to caffeinated slavery.

From my experience, here are just a few ways that caffeine can adversely affect things:

It can make you nervous and anxious. It doesn’t take a lot of caffeine to produce a general feeling of anxiety, and the effect is especially pronounced when large amounts are consumed over a long period of time. I don’t consider myself a generally anxious person, but the times I feel the most nervous are almost always after a large dose. At times the nervousness might be about something specific, but it’s often just enough to make me feel uneasy without being able to explain why.
It can make you physically jittery. This is one of the most easily observed symptoms and one that most people are probably familiar with. It might not be a big deal to incessantly tap your fingers or feet if you’re sitting around your house on the weekend, but at the workplace it’s another matter. At best it might be a humorous “quirk,” but it can also be very distracting or convey the message that you yourself are distracted or disinterested in what’s happening. It can also make speaking in public—something that’s hard enough for most people already—ten times harder.
It can undermine your self confidence and ability to stay calm and collected. One of my favorite quotes is from Thomas Jefferson, who said “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” If you read this site for very long, it’s a theme—and a quote—that you’ll probably see over and over. Consumed in small amounts, caffeine might make you feel like you’re “on top of your game” – but this effect is fleeting (read the bullet on its addictive properties below). Sooner or later, it just leaves you feeling wired and burnt out—definitely NOT “cool and unruffled.”
It impacts your sleep schedule. I used to work late into the night, unable to sleep, always thinking I was just a night owl and that I could only be productive when my mind slowed down. Only after I realized how much caffeine was in diet soda did I grasp the impact of drinking it during the evening. I always knew there was some caffeine (particularly in sodas like Mountain Dew), but thought it was minimal—and yet could never explain my compulsive urge to drink diet soda like water! Yes, I should have used more common sense–but I just didn’t put it together that it was the three or so diet cokes after dinner that kept me awake. This inevitably carried over into the next day, when I’d awake exhausted from lack of sleep and make up for it with the only thing I knew—more caffeine. The vicious cycle continued.
It can put you on edge and make you snappy. Even without the physical symptoms and mental stress of withdrawal, the stimulatory effects of caffeine can lead to an agitated feeling that’s easy to take out on others. It can also lead to impatience with other people that aren’t as “on top of things,” and a frustration at little impediments that seem to get in the way of whatever our over-caffeinated plans might entail. This can easily undermine our attempts to interact with people in a calm and easy-going manner.
It increases the chance of using other substances to balance things out. Because it puts your body on edge, caffeine increases the chance that you’ll turn to some other substance to counteract things. For me, it’s always been alcohol—I’d often unwind after the stress of a caffeinated commute home with a beer. For others, it might be cigarettes or a prescription medication. It’s possible that there might be nothing wrong with the other substance when take alone (there are few things I like more than a cold Corona) —but a combination of uppers and downers can take a real toll on your mind and body.
Its addictive properties make increased consumption more likely. As with any most addictive substances, your body develops a natural tolerance that over time mitigates many of the effects. Soon, you can easily find yourself consuming more and more, looking for an amount that will help you feel relatively normal. We’ve all heard this a thousand times about addictions, but it’s important to remember that caffeine is like any other addictive substance and operates accordingly. Sooner or later, it ceases to add much value and can become a liability—especially when you can’t get a “fix.” In the end, you can easily become a slave to something that provides only minimal benefits.

I won’t claim that caffeine is always a bad thing, but using it is a choice that should be made with full knowledge of all the effects–positive and negative. It’s taken me a long time to realize just how negative some of the seemingly insignificant side effects actually are, so before you start down the same path consider all the aspects. If you’re experiencing any of the symptoms above, try to calculate your daily intake. A standard cup of coffee has about 100 mg of caffeine, so 12 oz cans of Mountain Dew (55mg) and Diet Coke (47 mg) each are equivalent to about a half-cup, and drinks like Pepsi Max or Vault (both at 69 mg for 12 oz) or energy drinks (often 140 mg or more) can be as potent as coffee or more so.

If you aren’t affected by caffeine, that’s awesome—and I’m very glad for you. But since 90% of Americans consume caffeine on a daily basis, I think it’s safe to assume that at least a good number of people out there are in the same boat as me—and many probably don’t know why.

-tg

6 Small Things You Can Do When You Lack Discipline

Trey — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:26:18 +0000

We all need an extra boost of discipline from time to time. Here are 6 small things you can do to stick to your commitments and build a mindset centered on what truly motivates you.

By Leo Babauta, editor of Zen Habits.

One of the biggest problems people face is the lack of discipline — they have goals or habits they want to achieve, but lack that discipline needed to stick with it.

Then we beat ourselves up about it. We feel crappy because we can’t stick with it.

And that leads to more failure, because we’re forming a mindset that we don’t have the necessary discipline.

Here’s what to do when you face a situation like this:

1. Forgive yourself. You aren’t perfect. No one is. Realize that beating yourself up will only make things worse. Take a few slow, deep breaths and let it go. Forgive yourself. And move on.

2. Realize that discipline is an illusion. While discipline is a common concept, it doesn’t actually exist. It’s not a thing you can actually do. Think about it: people say discipline is pushing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. But how do you do that? What skill is required? There isn’t a skill — it’s just forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. And that requires … some kind of motivation. Without motivation, you won’t be able to force yourself to do anything. So motivation is the key concept — and this is something that’s real, that you can actually learn how to do.

3. Focus on motivation. What’s your motivation for pursuing the goal or habit? How will you sustain the motivation when you struggle? Have very strong motivations for doing something, and write them down. Commit publicly. When things get tough, remind yourself of your motivation. Focus on it. It’ll pull you along — that’s more powerful than trying to focus on the push of discipline.

4. Make it easy. Discipline is tough because whatever the task or habit you’re trying to do is tough. Instead, make it easy. Remove barriers. Having a hard time exercising? Make it ridiculously easy, by only exercising for 5 minutes. What use is exercising for 5 minutes? You’re creating the habit, not getting yourself into shape overnight. The 5 minutes of exercise will have only a tiny impact on your health, but it makes exercise super easy. If you can do that 30 days in a row, you now have an exercise habit. Hate waking up early to go to the gym? Do it at home. Do it during lunch or after work.

5. Focus on enjoyment. It’s hard to push yourself — to have discipline — when you hate doing something. So find something enjoyable about the activity. If you don’t look forward to exercise, find some good music, or a workout partner who you can have a nice conversation with, or a peaceful setting in nature that is just beautiful. And focus on that enjoyable aspect. Hate doing your paperwork? Find a peaceful sanctuary where you can do the paperwork and enjoy yourself. Maybe have a nice cup of tea or coffee, play some nice music. And focus on the enjoyment.

6. Repeat. You’ll almost inevitably slip up sometime, no matter how good you are. Unfortunately, people often take this to mean they don’t have discipline, and they just beat themselves up and give up. Well, it’s just a bump in the road. Get up, dust yourself off, and get going again. Start from Step 1 and start all over.

[Editor's note: As always, thanks to Leo Babauta for his thoughts and willingness to share them. I think the motivation aspect is particularly important, because even the best things in the word can become tortuous if your motivation is somewhere else. In my experience, focusing on the goal—rather than the means—is the best possible way to develop the motivation to push on through whatever the means happen to be. To use a fitness analogy, is the goal just to "make myself go to the gym"? If so, that's going to be pretty hard to maintain when you just don't have any desire to do so. Only by focusing on the why can we really have an appreciation for what's needed to get there. For some of my thoughts on the reasons it's worth trying to be a gentleman (as opposed to just looking like one), check out So What IS a Gentleman, Anyways? - tg]

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at http://zenhabits.net. Used with the author’s permission.

Original Article at Zen Habits.

10 Benefits of Rising Early and How to Do It

Trey — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 19:53:10 +0000

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”
– Ben Franklin, famously

“Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin …
–Mark Twain

[Editor's note: Thanks to Leo Babauta for his post on the benefits of rising early. As someone who often needs some extra motivation to wake up early myself, it's nice to have this reminder of just how important it is--and the sort of impact it can make on the rest of your interactions throughout the day. If you want to be able to keep your cool, stay positive, or even just know what's happening in the world around you, getting up early is a fantastic way to start. -tg]

By Leo Babauta, editor of zenhabits.net.

Recently, reader Rob asked me about my habit of waking at 4:30 a.m. each day, and asked me to write about the health benefits of rising early, which I thought was an excellent question. Unfortunately, there are none, that I know of.

However, there are a ton of other great benefits.

Now, let me first say that if you are a night owl, and that works for you, I think that’s great. There’s no reason to change, especially if you’re happy with it. But for me, switching from being a night owl to an early riser (and yes, it is possible) has been a godsend. It has helped me in so many ways that I’d never go back. Here are just a few:

Greet the day. I love being able to get up, and greet a wonderful new day. I suggest creating a morning ritual that includes saying thanks for your blessings. I’m inspired by the Dalai Lama, who said, “Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’”
Amazing start. I used to start my day by jumping out of bed, late as usual, and rushing to get myself and the kids ready, and rushing to drop them to school and come in to work late. I would walk into work, looking rumpled and barely awake, grumpy and behind everyone else. Not a great start to your day. Now, I have a renewing morning ritual, I’ve gotten so much done before 8 a.m., my kids are early and so am I, and by the time everyone else gets in to work, I’ve already gotten a head start. There is no better way to start off your day than to wake early, in my experience.
Quietude. No kids yelling, no babies crying, no soccer balls, no cars, no television noise. The early morning hours are so peaceful, so quiet. It’s my favorite time of day. I truly enjoy that time of peace, that time to myself, when I can think, when I can read, when I can breathe.
Sunrise. People who wake late miss one of the greatest feats of nature, repeated in full stereovision each and every day — the rise of the sun. I love how the day slowly gets brighter, when the midnight blue turns to lighter blue, when the brilliant colors start to seep into the sky, when nature is painted in incredible colors. I like doing my early morning run during this time, and I look up at the sky as I run and say to the world, “What a glorious day!” Really. I really do that. Corny, I know.
Breakfast. Rise early and you actually have time for breakfast. I’m told it’s one of the most important meals of the day. Without breakfast, your body is running on fumes until you are so hungry at lunchtime that you eat whatever unhealthy thing you can find. The fattier and sugarier, the betterier. But eat breakfast, and you are sated until later. Plus, eating breakfast while reading my book and drinking my coffee in the quiet of the morning is eminently more enjoyable than scarfing something down on the way to work, or at your desk.
Exercise. There are other times to exercise besides the early morning, of course, but I’ve found that while exercising right after work is also very enjoyable, it’s also liable to be canceled because of other things that come up. Morning exercise is virtually never canceled.
Productivity. Mornings, for me at least, are the most productive time of day. I like to do some writing in the morning, when there are no distractions, before I check my email or blog stats. I get so much more done by starting on my work in the morning. Then, when evening rolls around, I have no work that I need to do, and I can spend it with family.
Goal time. Got goals? Well, you should. And there’s no better time to review them and plan for them and do your goal tasks than first thing. You should have one goal that you want to accomplish this week. And every morning, you should decide what one thing you can do today to move yourself further towards that goal. And then, if possible, do that first thing in the morning.
Commute. No one likes rush-hour traffic, except for Big Oil. Commute early, and the traffic is much lighter, and you get to work faster, and thus save yourself more time. Or better yet, commute by bike. (Or even better yet, work from home.)
Appointments. It’s much easier to make those early appointments on time if you get up early. Showing up late for that appointment is a bad signal to the person you’re meeting. Showing up early will impress them. Plus, you get time to prepare.

How to Become an Early Riser

Don’t make drastic changes. Start slowly, by waking just 15-30 minutes earlier than usual. Get used to this for a few days. Then cut back another 15 minutes. Do this gradually until you get to your goal time.
Allow yourself to sleep earlier. You might be used to staying up late, perhaps watching TV or surfing the Internet. But if you continue this habit, while trying to get up earlier, sooner or later one is going to give. And if it is the early rising that gives, then you will crash and sleep late and have to start over. I suggest going to bed earlier, even if you don’t think you’ll sleep, and read while in bed. If you’re really tired, you just might fall asleep much sooner than you think.
Put your alarm clock far from you bed. If it’s right next to your bed, you’ll shut it off or hit snooze. Never hit snooze. If it’s far from your bed, you have to get up out of bed to shut it off. By then, you’re up. Now you just have to stay up.
Go out of the bedroom as soon as you shut off the alarm. Don’t allow yourself to rationalize going back to bed. Just force yourself to go out of the room. My habit is to stumble into the bathroom and go pee. By the time I’ve done that, and flushed the toilet and washed my hands and looked at my ugly mug in the mirror, I’m awake enough to face the day.
Do not rationalize. If you allow your brain to talk you out of getting up early, you’ll never do it. Don’t make getting back in bed an option.
Have a good reason. Set something to do early in the morning that’s important. This reason will motivate you to get up. I like to write in the morning, so that’s my reason. Also, when I’m done with that, I like to read all of your comments!
Make waking up early a reward. Yes, it might seem at first that you’re forcing yourself to do something hard, but if you make it pleasurable, soon you will look forward to waking up early. A good reward is to make a hot cup of coffee or tea and read a book. Other rewards might be a tasty treat for breakfast (smoothies! yum!) or watching the sunrise, or meditating. Find something that’s pleasurable for you, and allow yourself to do it as part of your morning routine.
Take advantage of all that extra time. Don’t wake up an hour or two early just to read your blogs, unless that’s a major goal of yours. Don’t wake up early and waste that extra time. Get a jump start on your day! I like to use that time to get a head start on preparing my kids’ lunches, on planning for the rest of the day (when I set my MITs), on exercising or meditating, and on reading. By the time 6:30 rolls around, I’ve done more than many people do the entire day.

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at http://zenhabits.net. Provided at The Gent’s Cheat Sheet with the permission of the author.

10 Benefits of Rising Early and How to Do It

5 Sneaky Ways That Personal Development Information Can Screw with Your Head

Trey — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 01:19:00 +0000

We all want to grow as individuals, and no one ever starts off as a true gentleman or gets there entirely of their own accord–there are always mentors and guides along the way. That said, it’s very important to differentiate between personal development and personal development information. Progress is good–but self help information that actually hinders or cripples our growth isn’t.

Earlier today, Henrik Edberg at The Positivity Blog explained several ways that this type of information can actually be counter-productive and eventually inhibit the very objectives you seek. The ways the self-help industry can be detrimental to your well-being include:

1. It helps you to overcomplicate stuff.

2. It gets you emotionally hooked on reading more and more.

3. It leaves you confused.

4. It makes you feel like you aren’t ever ready or good enough.

5. It makes you think that things will be perfect and you will be too.

All five strike me as problems that cab occur if you allow the (necessary) phase of planning for growth to become an end in and of itself. It seems like many people are content to live in this planning phase perpetually, but when I consider the reasons above I better understand why. Henrik’s observations also seem consistent with something Pascal observed (which also happen to be one of our “thoughts for the day“ posts earlier this week):

“The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus, we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so.”

I understand why planning for the future can provide us with some level of comfort, a perception of control, or even the safety of never having to actually change. It seems the best way to make lasting progress isn’t to make grand plans for the future, then, but to put one foot in front of the other and start making progress–no matter how small–today. Both Pascal and Henrik are on to something: when our daily life centers around plans for the future rather than living in the moment, real progress is unlikely and true happiness will always be out-of-reach.

So by all means, let’s use self-help books and personal development for what they’re good for–and then set them aside as we leave all the planning behind.

-tg

5 Sneaky Ways That Personal Development Information Can Screw with Your Head [The Positivity Blog via Lifehacker]