The Gent's Cheat Sheet » Confidence

How to Communicate Like Ben Bernanke

Trey — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:38:46 +0000

Leaders have a natural tendency to take charge, and during meetings this often means that they end up driving the conversation. In many cases this makes sense, especially when the intent is for send-receive (generally one way) communication. However, there are also many times when this isn’t the goal, and the conversation needs to focus on dialogue, brainstorming, and sharing ideas. What then? What’s a boss or leader to do?

According to the Harvard Business Review, the answer can be found in the approach of Ben Bernanke. Their idea is that leaders need to be comfortable and confident enough in their position that they’re willing to forgo the opportunity to speak their minds up front.

“Letting others take the lead in discussions when you’re the boss is not a sign of insecurity; it can be a sign that you are in control. You are not seeking to impose your will on discussion; you are facilitating alternative points of view. This is essential to establishing the trust necessary to broker agreements between parties who don’t agree.”

Bernanke, they say, models this approach very well. In contrast with Greenspan, he often lets other participants have their say before jumping in—something that works very well when working with groups that don’t see eye-to-eye.

Moderation in all things of course–they also note that decisive action and bold action are necessary at times, because the more legislative role of “facilitating discussions” (as opposed to executive decision making or dictating) is only one aspect of leadership.

So what’s the lesson? Not that it’s better to speak or not to speak, but that it’s not always necessary for a leader to drive the conversation right off the bat—especially in circumstances when mediation or reconciliation of divergent viewpoints is necessary.

-Trey

Original Article: How to Communicate Like Ben Bernanke

Embrace Awkwardness

briang — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:39:16 +0000

Everyone has awkward moments. Yes, everyone. Even the suave and professional people we look up to. Naturally, we want to limit our awkwardness. Awkwardness is, well, awkward!

So the idea that awkwardness can be a good thing is counter-intuitive. But here is why it is true: making an effort to not be awkward cannot prevent you from having awkward experiences (they are inevitable), but it can create more awkwardness.

Therefore you might as well break your fear of it right now by embracing it. Embracing it will in the long run make you less awkward. But you don’t embrace the awkward solely for the sake of becoming less awkward. That’s just the natural outcome. You have to break the fear of the awkwardness so that you are better able to learn and to enjoy life and relationships, and really engage people.

You can be a less awkward conversationalist because you do not worry about the state of the conversation constantly. When we worry about it too much, rather than having a conversation, we start playing competition of who can act the most in line with convention (and perhaps how far someone will dare to the edge without actually getting too close), and when we try to compete, we are no longer practicing.

Being worried about awkwardness will stunt your growth and confidence. Letting yourself be awkward will let you venture into a really interesting conversations and interactions. Awkwardness is not itself a good thing, but being able to enjoy it is, and will ultimately give you a confidence which will be anything but awkward.

Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro in "Meet the Parents", a study in awkwardness.

Brian G.

Eight Stress-Busting Tips

Trey — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:45:48 +0000

There may be times when the easiest way to get rid of stress is just to avoid stressful situations. For all the rest, check out today’s post from Dumb Little Man on ways to eliminate stress. They’re all common sense and include both physical factors (exercise, sleep, diet, etc.) and mental approaches (taking breaks, doing one thing at a time).

One tip that resonates with me was also the subject of a post I wrote earlier this week—eliminating caffeine. I also like the reminder to focus and avoid trying to multitask (says the person with twelve open browsers right now!).

Personally, I think the Office Space approach of destroying electronic equipment might be enough in many cases–and I can’t help but feel like life might be a lot more enjoyable if computers weren’t around. Then again, nah—if it wasn’t computers it would just be something else. Maybe I just need to learn to not open up all those browsers windows to begin with.

Ok, it’s almost 11pm…time to go get some coffee!

Kill Your Stress: Eight Stress-Busting Tips

Stressed? Ditch the Caffeine.

Trey — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:57:13 +0000

If you struggle with stress or anxiety, there might be an easy solution.

Caffeine has been something of a fairly constant struggle for me for about a decade now, during which time I’ve often used it as a crutch to help focus, wake up in the morning, or even just make my hour-plus commute more bearable. I don’t care for coffee, so my intake has typically come from diet soda, or occasionally in the form of caffeine (no-doz) pills. I should note that there are some very real benefits that caffeine can provide, and when used in moderation it can serve a very useful purpose. Over time, though, I’ve come to the realization that caffeine is exceptionally counterproductive and undermines almost everything I care about. Without trying to sound dramatic, caffeine has poisoned my life.

Before you get defensive and say “hey, there’s nothing wrong with my one morning cup of coffee!” let me say: you’re probably right. Caffeine doesn’t have the same effect on all people, and I’m a big proponent of moderation in all things. It can be just as bad to rule out a very effective tool like caffeine right off the bat as it can be to overuse it. All I can do is point to my own experiences and suggest that it’s important to consider the impact that caffeine has—and then approach it responsibly. For the longest time I never realized how caffeine was affecting me or how much I was actually consuming, so if all this note does is get you to at least consider the influence of caffeine in your life you’ll be much better off than I was when I embarked down the road to caffeinated slavery.

From my experience, here are just a few ways that caffeine can adversely affect things:

It can make you nervous and anxious. It doesn’t take a lot of caffeine to produce a general feeling of anxiety, and the effect is especially pronounced when large amounts are consumed over a long period of time. I don’t consider myself a generally anxious person, but the times I feel the most nervous are almost always after a large dose. At times the nervousness might be about something specific, but it’s often just enough to make me feel uneasy without being able to explain why.
It can make you physically jittery. This is one of the most easily observed symptoms and one that most people are probably familiar with. It might not be a big deal to incessantly tap your fingers or feet if you’re sitting around your house on the weekend, but at the workplace it’s another matter. At best it might be a humorous “quirk,” but it can also be very distracting or convey the message that you yourself are distracted or disinterested in what’s happening. It can also make speaking in public—something that’s hard enough for most people already—ten times harder.
It can undermine your self confidence and ability to stay calm and collected. One of my favorite quotes is from Thomas Jefferson, who said “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” If you read this site for very long, it’s a theme—and a quote—that you’ll probably see over and over. Consumed in small amounts, caffeine might make you feel like you’re “on top of your game” – but this effect is fleeting (read the bullet on its addictive properties below). Sooner or later, it just leaves you feeling wired and burnt out—definitely NOT “cool and unruffled.”
It impacts your sleep schedule. I used to work late into the night, unable to sleep, always thinking I was just a night owl and that I could only be productive when my mind slowed down. Only after I realized how much caffeine was in diet soda did I grasp the impact of drinking it during the evening. I always knew there was some caffeine (particularly in sodas like Mountain Dew), but thought it was minimal—and yet could never explain my compulsive urge to drink diet soda like water! Yes, I should have used more common sense–but I just didn’t put it together that it was the three or so diet cokes after dinner that kept me awake. This inevitably carried over into the next day, when I’d awake exhausted from lack of sleep and make up for it with the only thing I knew—more caffeine. The vicious cycle continued.
It can put you on edge and make you snappy. Even without the physical symptoms and mental stress of withdrawal, the stimulatory effects of caffeine can lead to an agitated feeling that’s easy to take out on others. It can also lead to impatience with other people that aren’t as “on top of things,” and a frustration at little impediments that seem to get in the way of whatever our over-caffeinated plans might entail. This can easily undermine our attempts to interact with people in a calm and easy-going manner.
It increases the chance of using other substances to balance things out. Because it puts your body on edge, caffeine increases the chance that you’ll turn to some other substance to counteract things. For me, it’s always been alcohol—I’d often unwind after the stress of a caffeinated commute home with a beer. For others, it might be cigarettes or a prescription medication. It’s possible that there might be nothing wrong with the other substance when take alone (there are few things I like more than a cold Corona) —but a combination of uppers and downers can take a real toll on your mind and body.
Its addictive properties make increased consumption more likely. As with any most addictive substances, your body develops a natural tolerance that over time mitigates many of the effects. Soon, you can easily find yourself consuming more and more, looking for an amount that will help you feel relatively normal. We’ve all heard this a thousand times about addictions, but it’s important to remember that caffeine is like any other addictive substance and operates accordingly. Sooner or later, it ceases to add much value and can become a liability—especially when you can’t get a “fix.” In the end, you can easily become a slave to something that provides only minimal benefits.

I won’t claim that caffeine is always a bad thing, but using it is a choice that should be made with full knowledge of all the effects–positive and negative. It’s taken me a long time to realize just how negative some of the seemingly insignificant side effects actually are, so before you start down the same path consider all the aspects. If you’re experiencing any of the symptoms above, try to calculate your daily intake. A standard cup of coffee has about 100 mg of caffeine, so 12 oz cans of Mountain Dew (55mg) and Diet Coke (47 mg) each are equivalent to about a half-cup, and drinks like Pepsi Max or Vault (both at 69 mg for 12 oz) or energy drinks (often 140 mg or more) can be as potent as coffee or more so.

If you aren’t affected by caffeine, that’s awesome—and I’m very glad for you. But since 90% of Americans consume caffeine on a daily basis, I think it’s safe to assume that at least a good number of people out there are in the same boat as me—and many probably don’t know why.

-tg