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How to Use “i.e.” Versus “e.g.”

Trey — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:28:07 +0000

The abbreviations "i.e." and "e.g." are commonly misused, because very few people actually know what each means. Here’s a simple guide, courtesy of wikiHow.

Become familiar with what i.e. and e.g. are abbreviating. "I.e." is an abbreviation of the Latin words id est, which mean "that is". "E.g." is an abbreviation for the Latin words exempli gratia, which mean "for the sake of example".

Associate each abbreviation with more easily remembered phrases. It’s not easy to remember Latin words, so it may be helpful to pretend that "i.e." stands for "in essence" or "in other words" and "e.g." stands for "example given".
Use "i.e." to paraphrase. Make a statement, then add "i.e." to explain or describe what you just said in a different way:
- The elephant is a pachyderm, i.e., an animal with thick skin and nails resembling hooves.
- I went to the dentist (i.e., hell).
Note that what follows "i.e." is some sort of definition. This can also be a metaphor. If you substitute "i.e." with "in other words" the sentences still make sense. If you plug in "for example" they do not.
Use "e.g." before giving one or more examples. Think of what precedes "e.g." as a category, and what follows it as something (or a few things) that would fall into that category:
- Buy some vegetables, e.g., carrots.
- I like power metal (e.g., Firewind, Iced Earth, Sonata Arctica).
Observe how using "i.e." wouldn’t make sense. "Carrots" is not another way to describe vegetables in general, it is just one of the many foods that are considered to be vegetables. If you wanted to use "i.e." you would write "Buy some vegetables, i.e., the edible part of any plant." Likewise, the bands given are examples of power metal, but not a description. If you were using "i.e." you would write something like "I like power metal, i.e., fast metal with symphonic elements and epic themes."
Use parentheses or commas with both. You can either insert a comma before "i.e." or "e.g." or you can use parentheses, both of which are shown in the examples above. If you use parentheses, open them right before the "e.g." or "i.e." and close them after you have given your example or alternate definition.

How to Use "i.e." Versus "e.g." used with permission (CC2.5).

A Man’s Guide to Dry Cleaning

Trey — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:37:10 +0000

As most people probably know, dry-cleaning isn’t actually “dry.” It simply means that garments are washed with a solvent (called perchlorethylene or DF2000) rather than soap and water. And despite the fact that many nicer garments do require dry-cleaning, it’s not necessarily easier on the fabric. So even for clothes that have to be cleaned this way, it’s best to do so only when necessary.

If you’re going to spend good money on clothes, it’s worth your while to take care of them—and to know what happens when you entrust them to someone else. The cleaner’s doesn’t have to be a black box–the place where you drop off valuable items and have them magically reappear the next day, looking like new.

To be honest, this is how I’ve always viewed the process…I know enough to check the labels and see if something I own has to be sent to the cleaner’s (the case with most dress pants, for instance). But what actually happens after things are dropped off? It’s always been a bit of a mystery to me.

Thankfully, I happened to find a pretty good overview recently. The author provides three good reasons it’s worth your while to know a little bit about the process:

First, you have to understand enough about the process to know what to do if an expensive item is damaged or lost.
Second, it’s important to understand the impact of dry-cleaning on your clothes. Since dry-cleaning can actually be tougher on fabric, you should know how often your garments need to be washed—and what the solvent does to the fibers.
Third, if you’re going to spend money on something, it’s a good idea to know what it is you’re paying for—and whether you’re actually getting extra value by paying more.

The author of the guide provides quite a few good tips (picking a drycleaner, what to have cleaned, how often, etc.), but the explanation of the process itself is pretty straightforward:

The dry cleaning process starts when you drop your clothing off; first it’s tagged and then sorted by whether it needs to be dry cleaned, laundered, pressed, or altered. At this point the clothing is often moved to another location; in fact, it’s not uncommon for all the dry cleaners in an area to use the same contractor or be owned by a few companies. This is why many cannot offer same day service or when “they” lose a garment you’re out of luck because the garment is lost in a much larger system than just the facility you dropped it off at. Also, despite two cleaners charging different prices for the same service, if they use the same master cleaning facility, you are receiving no added benefit despite paying more. I always look to use cleaners who do their work in house – I like knowing my garments are kept right where I dropped them off and handled by the person I gave them to.

Back to the process – after the drop-off stains are pre-treated (note – it’s very important you point out stains and label what the stain is so that it is treated properly) and the clothing is loaded into large machines where they sit in baskets and rotate in perchlorethylene – the perc is then drained using centrifugal force (shirts and other cotton garments are more often simply laundered with water and soap – it’s less expensive and does the job without damaging the fabric). A good cleaning facility will then inspect clothing for any remaining soiled spots and post-treat if necessary. Next the clothing is lightly steamed, pressed, and ironed where applicable. Finally, garments are sorted out, shipped if necessary, and then stored for pick-up.

If you’re anything like me, most of this is probably new (and not exactly what you spend your free time pondering!). Still, it’s something worth knowing at least a little bit about: your clothes are an investment, and should be cared for appropriately.

-Trey

[A Man’s Guide to Dry Cleaning at The Art of Manliness]

Don’t Let Your Strength Become Your Weakness

Trey — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:47:40 +0000

Moderation is a quality that’s easily under-appreciated, especially for things that are generally accepted as desirable or good. Take positive character attributes—is it possible to have too much?

Gill Corkindale at the Harvard Business Blog argues that the answer is yes, because our biggest strengths can easily become our biggest weaknesses, often unexpectedly.

“There is always an optimal point: confidence that doesn’t border on arrogance, wit that doesn’t slide into sarcasm, and diligence that doesn’t become perfectionism. I have observed many leaders who have fallen into the strengths/weaknesses trap. Having been praised and rewarded for demonstrating particular strengths throughout their careers, they become blind to the shadow sides of these strengths. Often, this blind spot can derail a career.”

It makes sense that even a good thing can be taken too far, but most people probably don’t consider the possibility that their strongest traits could actually cause them harm. Citing a decade-long study of 18,000 UK leaders, Gill explains:

"They identified 11 derailers — strengths which turned into flaws under pressure. These include shrewd-mistrustful; charming-manipulative; vivacious-dramatic; and diligent-perfectionist. These "Dark Side Characteristics" were present in 85 percent of the leaders surveyed, with 16 percent having three dark-side characteristics."

Only by acknowledging potential “dark sides” of strengths can the need for moderation become apparent—if there aren’t any drawbacks, how could more NOT be better?

Check out Gill’s thoughts or the original study for more.

-Trey

Manage Your Online Reputation

Trey — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:35:38 +0000

There once was a time when the best approach for managing your online reputation was to make sure that people couldn’t find you at all. These days, that’s all but impossible.

So like it or not, your personal information is probably out there and available for anyone to find. The problem now isn’t making things go away (if something’s out there, someone with enough time and dedication can probably uncover it). The objective today should be to ensure that the things that DO appear are exactly what you want someone to find.

Granted, one part of this might actually include asking people to take down content painting you in an unfavorable light. The most critical aspect isn’t data elimination, however: it’s proactively publishing content consistent with the image you want to project. The Official Google Blog explains:

For example, if someone posts a negative review of your business on a restaurant review or consumer complaint site, that site might not be willing to remove the review. If you can’t get the content removed from the original site, you probably won’t be able to completely remove it from Google’s search results, either. Instead, you can try to reduce its visibility in the search results by proactively publishing useful, positive information about yourself or your business. If you can get stuff that you want people to see to outperform the stuff you don’t want them to see, you’ll be able to reduce the amount of harm that that negative or embarrassing content can do to your reputation.

Lifehacker has previously discussed the importance of using your own web domain as an online business card, and this is one of the most important aspects of proactive content posting. Even if there isn’t anything embarrassing out there, not having any negatives isn’t the same thing as having a good reputation—it’s just having no reputation at all. A domain name is a great first step towards building the online reputation you want, and it’s easier than you might think.

Bottom line: You can’t control what others say about you (at times it’s hard enough to even control what YOU say about you!), and if you’re doing anything that matters not everyone is going to have a favorable opinion. So rather than worry about what’s out there, project yourself in a positive manner and let others say what they might. The easiest way to deflect attention from a flawed painting isn’t to scrape paint off a canvas—it’s to create more paintings.

At the end of the day, you—and only you—are responsible for your personal brand. Make sure it’s a good one.

The Official Google Blog

Lifehacker

How to Properly Tie a Tie

Trey — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:04:37 +0000

The Gent’s Cheat Sheet

How to Properly Tie a Tie

There aren’t many skills more fundamental (and more common) to dressing with style than being able to properly tie a tie. Unfortunately, it’s not like riding a bike–so if it’s been a while since you’ve had to wear one, it can be surprisingly easy to forget how.

Lucky for those of us who could use a reminder from time-to-time, there are plenty of resources online for this sort of thing. One great site I found is a site devoted exclusively to tie tutorials. The tutorials are simple and easy to understand, with step-by-step instructions, mirror-image video, and simple illustrations. Here are a couple of videos for the most commonly-used knots–the “Four-in-Hand” and the “Half-Windsor.” For others, check out the site.

The Four-in-Hand:

The Half-Windsor:

Learn How to Tie a Tie.

GCS Recommends: Crooner Compilations

Trey — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:07:48 +0000

Build your collection of tunes for entertaining quickly (and cheaply!) with greatest hits compilations.

If you’re looking to build your collection of music for entertaining (particularly in more unfamiliar genres), greatest hits collections can definitely be a good way to go. They aren’t always available for newer artists, but choices abound if you’re looking for the best tracks from the classic crooners.

Greatest hits compilations can provide a few key benefits:

More bang for your buck. Most quality compilations contain between fifteen and twenty songs, so the per-song cost typically ends up being much lower than purchasing the songs individually or as part of a typical album with fewer tracks. For an example, take the Tony Bennett compilation included below—at $8.98 for twenty songs, it end up being only $0.45 per song.
Better quality. “Greatest hits” is self-explanatory: you’re not going to find much filler material.
A condensed overview. These types of collections tend to be particularly useful when considering unfamiliar genres or artists. You don’t have to educate yourself about an artist in order to select the best recordings—someone’s already compiled a “cheat sheet” and put them in one place.

If you’re looking to stretch your dollar when you pick up these compilations, here are a couple of techniques I’ve found helpful:

Take advantage of sales—both at big box stores and online. For example, I just picked up the Sinatra CD below from Target this past week for $9.99, and a great Bille Holiday compilation for $2.99 recently off of Amazon downloads.
Buy used CDs. I’ve found that you can often pick up copies of well-known albums for only a dollar or two (sometimes even under a dollar) under the “used” category on Amazon. I’ve never had any problems with scratches or other damage, and the total cost (even after you include a couple of dollars for shipping) ends up being very, very low.

I’ve included a few great compilations to consider below—the links are to the profile of the physical CD, but it should be easy to find the digital download or used CD pages for each. For other classic songs for a classy event, check out our playlist of 30 Hand-Picked Songs for a Classic Cocktail Party.

-Trey

Eight Simple Conversation Techniques for Drawing People Out

Trey — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:14:38 +0000

Every gent wants to be able to engage gracefully with other people, but some conversations can be more challenging than others—particularly with strangers and those with whom you don’t have much in common. How can you draw these people out in order to have a pleasant conversation? How can you convey authentic interest without coming across as fake?

Everyone encounters awkward conversations from time to time (see Embrace Awkwardness). It’s not the end of the world to realize that you don’t have much to say to someone, but it can be a shame because with a few simple techniques this rarely has to be the case. Below are a few simple tips that can be helpful in drawing people out.

Note that many of these tips have as much to do with an approach to people in general as they with specific conversation skills. Self-help and self-improvement sites often include tips for making small talk or chit-chat, but not for engaging with people in conversations over the long-term. If you just need pass the time with someone sitting next to you on the airplane this might work fine, but most interactions happen with people we see over and over again. For these types of relationships, it’s important to view conversations in light of both the immediate conversation and the long-term relationship.

Here are eight specific ways to accomplish that goal:

1. Use open-ended questions. This is a fundamental skill that’s often under-appreciated. Essentially, an open-ended question is one that invites someone to respond with more than a "yes," "no," or other one- or two-word response. The point is to get the other person talking about something they enjoy or care about—the things that are most likely to make them feel comfortable and enjoy the conversation. Some examples of open-ended questions might include:

"What got you started in medicine?" – Not "Do you like working at the hospital?"
"What’s your favorite part about watching a game at the stadium?" – Not "How many times have you seen this team play?"
"What brings you to an event like this?" – Not "So, come here often?"
"What do you think about the new U2 album?" – Not "Have you ever seen U2 live?"
"What were you doing when you heard about 9/11?" – Not "Do you remember when the Berlin Wall fell?"

And so on, and so on. Be careful not to overdo it lest you come across as insincere—it’s NOT about feigning interest or pretending that you’re fascinated by some mundane aspect of someone’s life. It’s about finding a topic that can facilitate a great conversation.

2. Give the person you’re talking with your undivided attention. This can be especially hard in today’s age of phone calls, instant messages, texting, or any of the countless other distractions which interrupt our days. If someone is in your office and the phone rings, make it a point to note that you can call the person back. It might be a small inconvenience, but everything you do sends a message about your priorities, and giving your company the attention they deserve shows them that you respect them (and their time) enough to focus on them exclusively. Along these lines, remember to make eye contact (not creepy eye contact, just enough to show that they have your attention) and don’t gaze out the window or fidget distractedly. Body language can clearly convey a message that’s entirely different than what you intend with your words.

3. Remember the seemingly small things that matter greatly to the other person. You might not think that they care if you remember the names of their kids or their wife’s favorite hobby, but it means a lot if you do. If the opportunity arises, to ask about the details of the other person’s life, especially those things you’ve never personally experience. If you work with someone, it’s easy enough to ask about how their new position is working out—that’s your own turf and probably something that’s easy to remember. Remembering that their five year old plays T-ball or that their high-schooler wants to join the military takes more effort and demonstrates that you view them (and their families) as a valuable people with unique interests, important relationships, and a life apart from whatever circumstances brought you together. Don’t force topics into conversations if it’s not relevant, of course—you’re not just trying to score points by showing that you remember.

4. Take active measures to remember—and USE—people’s names. Studies have shown that there is no sound that people enjoy hearing more than their own name, but this is far from the only reason to call people by name in conversations. Most notably, using someone’s name demonstrates that you recognize and affirm their individual identity. This might sound silly at first, but people want to know that view them as more than just some faceless cog in a machine. It doesn’t matter if it’s a waiter at a restaurant, your child’s teacher, a boss, or anyone else—using a name shows that you’re interacting with them as a person, not a position. Using someone’s name also has a practical benefit for you—it makes it much easier to engage someone that you encounter only occasionally. No one wants to run into someone in the hall (or even worse, have to ask for a favor) and start off by saying "hey, remind me of your name again." If you know that this’ll probably be the case, it can easily make you averse to speak with people for fear of embarrassment—so it’s much better to just learn, remember, and use their names up front.

5. Don’t approach conversations like one-night stands. If you have a fascinating conversation with someone and then never speak to them again, what’s the point? Just to pass the time engaged it witty banter? If you want to set the stage for a great conversation the next time you see someone, don’t just let them drop off your radar. Swing by and poke your head in their office, just to say hi–you don’t need a reason to say "Hey, I remember you said your Mom was sick when we talked a couple of weeks ago—how is she doing?" Think about how conversations fit into the long term picture, not just how to get through an awkward elevator ride or meeting.

6. Pause before speaking. This has a couple of effects: First it shows that you’re not in a rush to speak and that you actually care about what the other person has to say. You’re not just waiting for them to run out of breath so that you can share your own thoughts. Second, it prevents you from interrupting. By taking a calculated pause, you give yourself time to slow down enough to ensure that the other person has finished whatever thought they were trying to express. This may seem small, but it’s a small gesture that can go a long way towards developing an air of sincerity and authenticity. All the open-ended questions in the world can’t make up for someone who jumps in without waiting their turn to speak.

7. Find something to compliment. There’s nothing like positive reinforcement to give people a positive association with their interactions with you. This shouldn’t be empty words or flattery—just finding something nice to say that lets the other person know that you noticed something. It’s important that compliments be specific, since anyone can say "great job!" after a presentation. Check out The Art of Giving Praise for more suggestions on giving compliments in a ways that are meaningful to others.

8. In groups, try to shift the conversation away from issues that leave participants out. For instance: if you’re at a work party and notice a coworker’s spouse standing at the edge while a couple of people talk about office politics, try to find a way to (gracefully) move the conversation into something where everyone has something to offer. Open-ended questions can be especially helpful in this regard. Remember that some people might be uncomfortable speaking in front of strangers and would rather just hang back—so again, don’t force topics. In most cases, however, people are happy to share their thoughts if they believe they have something to contribute and the other person actually cares.

Keep in mind that the focus for all of these tips isn’t just on social success or even productive conversations. The point is to demonstrate respect for those around you and and ensure that your daily encounters leave others walking away feeling refreshed and valued.

If you have other conversation suggestions or tips, feel free to leave them in the “comments” section!

Stay Alive With Restroom Etiquette

Trey — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:57:58 +0000

The Gent’s Cheat Sheet

Stay Alive With Restroom Etiquette

Most social norms go without saying. In fact, that’s a big part of the reason they’re called social norms–by definition, they’re standards of behavior that have become so engrained that to state them should be entirely unnecessary. These norms are important—not only for their inherent value (there’s usually a good reason they become accepted), but because as gents, it’s our job to know what sort of behavior is acceptable and what must never, ever, ever occur (see: “The Comb-Over”).

Case in point: bathroom etiquette.

It would seem that the basic rules would fall into the “goes without saying” category, but unfortunately it seems that there will always be the 20 percent or so that just don’t seem to get the message. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about the most complicated of rules here—these are the most basic standards that all men should have no choice but follow.

If you research the topic online, you’ll find a wealth of information (as with everything, some valuable, much of it nonsense). There are even entire websites devoted to this important topic. Think I’m kidding? Check out the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette. This site covers every possible scenario…work, home, international, sinks, stalls, etc.—you name it. As you can see, this is a serious, serious topic! :)

For a good starting point, check out five basic rules from the ICBE for workplace etiquette. Among other things, these rules cover basics like washing your hands (duh!) and the cardinal sin of talking business between stalls.

Of course, codes of conduct that have taken thousands of years to develop can’t be quickly summarized in five rules. Some bathroom situations take some careful consideration—and in the most extreme situations, a willingness to even walk away and find another bathroom.

There are other resources to draw on, of course–here’s a good video that outlines the basics of urinal selection:

I know that I’m preaching to the choir here, since as gents you all have a very good feel what for what’s acceptable and what isn’t. But we all know people who don’t—and no one wants to be “that guy,” so do your friends a favor and help them understand what the rest of us already know. Even if YOU like bathroom conversations, or if you don’t mind shaking hands with people who walked out without washing—do it for the rest of us. We’re in this together!

These are serious rules, gents…so pay attention. Learn them. Live them. Love them. Expect nothing less from those around you. And maybe, just maybe, we can keep this ship on course.

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: How to Successfully Engrain a Behavior

Trey — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:13:27 +0000

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle

Guest post by Leo Babauta.

Our daily lives are often a series of habits played out through the day, a trammeled existence fettered by the slow accretion of our previous actions.

But habits can be changed, as difficult as that may seem sometimes.

I’m a living example: in tiny, almost infinitesimal steps, I’ve changed a laundry list of habits. Quit smoking, stopped impulse spending, got out of debt, began running and waking early and eating healthier and becoming frugal and simplifying my life and becoming organized and focused and productive, ran three marathons and a couple of triathlons, started a few successful blogs, eliminated my debt … you get the picture.

It’s possible.

And while I’ve written about habit change many times over the course of the life of Zen Habits, today I thought I’d put the best tips all together in one cheatsheet, for those new to the blog and for those who could use the reminders.

Keep it simple
Habit change is not that complicated. While the tips below will seem overwhelming, there’s really only a few things you need to know. Everything else is just helping these to become reality.

The simple steps of habit change:

1. Write down your plan.

2. Identify your triggers and replacement habits.

3. Focus on doing the replacement habits every single time the triggers happen, for about 30 days.

That’s it. We’ll talk more about each of these steps, and much more, in the cheatsheet below.

The Habit Change Cheatsheet
The following is a compilation of tips to help you change a habit. Don’t be overwhelmed — always remember the simple steps above. The rest are different ways to help you become more successful in your habit change.

1. Do just one habit at a time. Extremely important. Habit change is difficult, even with just one habit. If you do more than one habit at a time, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Keep it simple, allow yourself to focus, and give yourself the best chance for success. Btw, this is why New Year’s resolutions often fail — people try to tackle more than one change at a time.

2. Start small. The smaller the better, because habit change is difficult, and trying to take on too much is a recipe for disaster. Want to exercise? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Want to wake up earlier? Try just 10 minutes earlier for now. Or consider half habits.

3. Do a 30-day Challenge. In my experience, it takes about 30 days to change a habit, if you’re focused and consistent. This is a round number and will vary from person to person and habit to habit. Often you’ll read a magical “21 days” to change a habit, but this is a myth with no evidence. Seriously — try to find the evidence from a scientific study for this. A more recent study shows that 66 days is a better number (read more). But 30 days is a good number to get you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit every day for 30 days, and post your daily progress updates to a forum.

4. Write it down. Just saying you’re going to change the habit is not enough of a commitment. You need to actually write it down, on paper. Write what habit you’re going to change.

5. Make a plan. While you’re writing, also write down a plan. This will ensure you’re really prepared. The plan should include your reasons (motivations) for changing, obstacles, triggers, support buddies, and other ways you’re going to make this a success. More on each of these below.

6. Know your motivations, and be sure they’re strong. Write them down in your plan. You have to be very clear why you’re doing this, and the benefits of doing it need to be clear in your head. If you’re just doing it for vanity, while that can be a good motivator, it’s not usually enough. We need something stronger. For me, I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I made a promise to them. I knew if I didn’t smoke, not only would they be without a husband and father, but they’d be more likely to smoke themselves (my wife was a smoker and quit with me).

7. Don’t start right away. In your plan, write down a start date. Maybe a week or two from the date you start writing out the plan. When you start right away (like today), you are not giving the plan the seriousness it deserves. When you have a “Quit Date” or “Start Date”, it gives that date an air of significance. Tell everyone about your quit date (or start date). Put it up on your wall or computer desktop. Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and excitement, and helps you to prepare.

8. Write down all your obstacles. If you’ve tried this habit change before (odds are you have), you’ve likely failed. Reflect on those failures, and figure out what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every obstacle that’s happened to you, and others that are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan to overcome them. That’s the key: write down your solution before the obstacles arrive, so you’re prepared.

9. Identify your triggers. What situations trigger your current habit? For the smoking habit, for example, triggers might include waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc. Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan.

10. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” — Mark Twain

11. Plan a support system. Who will you turn to when you have a strong urge? Write these people into your plan. Support forums online are a great tool as well — I used a smoking cessation forum on about.com when I quit smoking, and it really helped. Don’t underestimate the power of support — it’s really important.

12. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Ask them for their help, and let them know how important this is. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

13. Become aware of self-talk. You talk to yourself, in your head, all the time — but often we’re not aware of these thoughts. Start listening. These thoughts can derail any habit change, any goal. Often they’re negative: “I can’t do this. This is too difficult. Why am I putting myself through this? How bad is this for me anyway? I’m not strong enough. I don’t have enough discipline. I suck.” It’s important to know you’re doing this.

14. Stay positive. You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

15. Have strategies to defeat the urge. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable, and they’re strong. But they’re also temporary, and beatable. Urges usually last about a minute or two, and they come in waves of varying strength. You just need to ride out the wave, and the urge will go away. Some strategies for making it through the urge: deep breathing, self-massage, eat some frozen grapes, take a walk, exercise, drink a glass of water, call a support buddy, post on a support forum.

16. Prepare for the sabotagers. There will always be people who are negative, who try to get you to do your old habit. Be ready for them. Confront them, and be direct: you don’t need them to try to sabotage you, you need their support, and if they can’t support you then you don’t want to be around them.

17. Talk to yourself. Be your own cheerleader, give yourself pep talks, repeat your mantra (below), and don’t be afraid to seem crazy to others. We’ll see who’s crazy when you’ve changed your habit and they’re still lazy, unhealthy slobs!

18. Have a mantra. For quitting smoking, mine was “Not One Puff Ever” (I didn’t make this up, but it worked — more on this below). When I wanted to quit my day job, it was “Liberate Yourself”. This is just a way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to do.

19. Use visualization. This is powerful. Vividly picture, in your head, successfully changing your habit. Visualize doing your new habit after each trigger, overcoming urges, and what it will look like when you’re done. This seems new-agey, but it really works.

20. Have rewards. Regular ones. You might see these as bribes, but actually they’re just positive feedback. Put these into your plan, along with the milestones at which you’ll receive them.

21. Take it one urge at a time. Often we’re told to take it one day at a time — which is good advice — but really it’s one urge at a time. Just make it through this urge.

22. Not One Puff Ever (in other words, no exceptions). This seems harsh, but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger, and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit, you need to be really consistent. You can’t do it sometimes, or there will be no new bond, or at least it will take a really really long time to form. So, at least for the first 30 days (and preferably 60), you need to have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens, you need to do the new habit and not the old one. No exceptions, or you’ll have a backslide. If you do mess up, regroup, learn from your mistake, plan for your success, and try again (see the last item on this list).

23. Get rest. Being tired leaves us vulnerable to relapse. Get a lot of rest so you can have the energy to overcome urges.

24. Drink lots of water. Similar to the item above, being dehydrated leaves us open to failure. Stay hydrated!

25. Renew your commitment often. Remind yourself of your commitment hourly, and at the beginning and end of each day. Read your plan. Celebrate your success. Prepare yourself for obstacles and urges.

26. Set up public accountability. Blog about it, post on a forum, email your commitment and daily progress to friend and family, post a chart up at your office, write a column for your local newspaper (I did this when I ran my first marathon). When we make it public — not just the commitment but the progress updates — we don’t want to fail.

27. Engineer it so it’s hard to fail. Create a groove that’s harder to get out of than to stay in: increase positive feedback for sticking with the habit, and increase negative feedback for not doing the habit. Read more on this method.

28. Avoid some situations where you normally do your old habit, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

29. If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again. Don’t let failure and guilt stop you. They’re just obstacles, but they can be overcome. In fact, if you learn from each failure, they become stepping stones to your success. Regroup. Let go of guilt. Learn. Plan. And get back on that horse.

Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones. – Benjamin Franklin

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: 29 Ways to Successfully Ingrain a Behavior at Zenhabits.

Clothing Alterations and a Good Tailor: Style Essentials

Trey — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 04:13:16 +0000

You probably know a reputable mechanic for auto repairs. But who do you call on for help with something much more important–your personal appearance?

Today, The Art of Manliness shared a practical post covering the basics of clothes alterations and tips for selecting a tailor. It’s not something most of us think about on a daily basis, but definitely worth considering in light of the fact that the way clothes fit can often be more important than the way they actually look. It’s also important to know when a damaged item is salvageable, when it needs to be replaced–or at least who to ask. Among other tips, they share a quick guide outlining the different types of alterations, according to cost and level of skill.

Common Alterations and the Level of Skill They Require

Basic Skill Alterations – Cost is low – you could do it yourself with a little guidance from a friend who can sew or a reputable manual.

Button & zipper replacement

Trouser leg length

Jacket sleeve length (non-working buttons & unlined)

Medium Skill Alterations – Cost is a little more expensive than the above, but always worth the price if this is what you need to make your garment fit.

Jacket sleeve length (non-working buttons & lined)

Fixing neck roll

Bring in or opening up the torso on a jacket

Bringing in or opening up a pair of trousers

Taper trouser legs

Shortening a shirt sleeve

Replacing a shirt collar

Adding darts

Tapering the shirt

High Skill Alterations – Expensive – make sure your tailor is good and knows what they are doing.

Jacket sleeve length (working buttons & lined)

Jacket length

Rotating the jacket sleeve (correcting for arm pitch)

Relining the jacket

Reducing shirt shoulders

Re-weaving – fixes small holes by using fabric found elsewhere on the suit to create an invisible patch

There are other factors to consider, of course–especially when deciding on the right tailor. A tailor, like an auto mechanic, is someone you probably won’t see every day–but then the time comes, it’s good to know a reputable place to call.

A Man’s Guide to Clothing Alterations at Art of Manliness.

Is Your Playlist Undermining Your Effectiveness?

Trey — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 02:53:27 +0000

Music has a powerful—and often underappreciated—effect on the human brain and our emotions. As a result, what we listen to can easily (and inadvertently) have a tremendous impact on our mental state and on the quality of our interactions throughout the day. So if it has a strong emotional component, what types of music—and which corresponding emotions—do we want as influences?

When picking a playlist for an important event, we usually take great care to select music that’s consistent with, and contributes to, the ambience or mood. So we’ll take care to ensure that our guests are comfortable and relaxed—but how often do we actually do the same thing in our own lives?

There’s a reason music (especially certain types, most notably rock and rap) is used for activities like working out or sports—it’s a great performance-enhancing tool. In other words, it pumps you up; it’s inspiring. It’s motivational. It can quicken your step or help you summon the energy to get one last set in. But is adrenaline-fueled, playing field performance the type you’re looking for in your day job? Do you really want to be pumped up right before a meeting or event where it’s very important to keep your cool? If you wouldn’t listen to Enya before working out, why listen to aggressive music when you need to stay positive or relaxed? Or before trying to fall asleep?

Here’s what I’ve realized:

If my goal is to walk to into a room in a collected manner, it seems counterproductive to listen to my workout playlist on the drive over. Just like it’s hard to rush down a hallway and then to walk calmly and quietly into a meeting, it’s also hard to shut off other influences instantaneously.

This may seem like a no-brainer to quite a few of you, but it’s something that has only dawned on me recently. I generally listen to rock, so I didn’t realize what I was missing until I actually started listening to genuinely relaxing music and noticed what a big difference it made. So now if I’m driving to a meeting or trying to unwind in the evening, I find that consciously picking relaxing music can have a big impact on how I approach things. I haven’t stopped listening to the music I love, I’m just more aware of the effect that it has on me.

Since so much of life is already predetermined, I think it’s important to realize that your mental and emotional state doesn’t always have to be a byproduct of an environment that’s beyond your control. There may be times when you have no choice but to accept your surroundings for what they are—but it’s also possible to adapt your surroundings to your objectives, rather than the other way around.

Your music is as good a place to start as any.

-tg

The Slow Secret: How to Make Lasting Changes in Your Life

Trey — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:06:55 +0000

“Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.” – William Shakespeare

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

How many times have you rushed into making changes in your life — a habit change, learning a new skill — only to have it flop?

It’s not just the New Year’s Resolution Syndrome — it happens too often at all times of the year, that we run out of steam or get discouraged and give up.

But here’s the secret, and I won’t charge you $29.95 for it: go slowly.

This little change has more power than most people realize. It will help to learn any skill, from martial arts to art to computer activities. It will help form habits that are long-lasting. Slowing down will help you become more effective and ironically, help reach goals faster.

If you’ve ever tried T’ai Chi (or Taijiquan), famous for its series of slow movements and poses, you’ve felt the power of slow. The slower you go in T’ai Chi, the better, for many reasons. One effect of this slowness is that you perfect the movements. And your body adapts, forming muscle memories that will last when (and if) you decide to speed up the movements.

It’s as if your body and mind are forming a groove through continual repetition of the movements. If you move quickly, you’ll be erratic, and the groove will be much more difficult to form. If you move slowly, you can learn to move in exactly the same pattern, in a more precise way, and a groove will form. Once the groove is formed, it becomes easier. It’s now habit, unconscious memory, and automatic.

This is habit formation, and usually it’s done without thought. When we drive home and our minds are on something else, but we make the right motions to get home anyway … this is habit, this is our minds and bodies going in a groove we’ve formed by doing these actions so many times before.

The groove is best formed by going slow, at first.

This applies to anything: exercise, eating healthy, creating art, becoming a patient parent, carpentry, reading. Slow is the secret to making it last. And no, that’s not meant to be dirty.

Some of the reasons slow works, besides forming a groove:

1. Mindfulness. When you do something slowly, you can pay more attention to what you’re doing. I highly recommend that when you make changes, you do them mindfully, with full concentration. This increased awareness is necessary in the beginning, when you’re still forming the groove. Later, it’ll become automatic, but at first it’s anything but. You need to pay attention, and you can do this better when you do it slower.

2. You hold yourself back. Holding ourselves back is often considered a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the best thing we can do, if we want changes to last. When we start a new change, often we are full of enthusiasm. But then we go all out and use up all of that enthusiasm, and run out of motivation or energy or get distracted by something else. But when you hold yourself back, you build up enthusiasm and keep it going for much longer — through that dreaded 2-3 week barrier when people often quit. So even if you want to run 3 miles at first, start with walking and then run-walking (in intervals), and only do a mile or so. You’ll want to do more, but stop yourself. Save that enthusiasm for next time.

3. You learn it right. Doing something slowly means you can learn to do it correctly, without being erratic, and later as it becomes second nature you’ll do it the right way. The importance is obvious in something like martial arts, but it’s also true in any physical activity. And every activity is physical (and mental).

4. Increased focus. When you do something slowly, you tend to do just one thing. It’s hard to multi-task and do something slowly — they don’t mix well. When you single-task, you can focus, instead of always being distracted. This leads to increased effectiveness.

5. Calm. Slow is calmer. Fast is hectic. Go slow to get rid of the chaos, and find peace.

“Slow down, everyone. You’re moving too fast.” – Jack Johnson

[Editor's note: As always, thanks to Leo Babauta for his thoughts and willingness to share them. - tg]

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at http://zenhabits.net. Used with the author’s permission.

Original Article at Zen Habits.

30 Hand-Picked Songs for a Classic Cocktail Party

Trey — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 01:25:58 +0000

Throwing a cocktail party is a nice way to have a good time and enjoy a classy atmosphere that most of us don’t experience every day. Music can be a key aspect of this kind of event, but it’s also something that can be easy to overlook. Here are 30 hand-picked songs (in no particular order) that can help make a classic cocktail party a success:

Check out the Amazon application below the list for a sample of each song.

Frank Sinatra: The Way You Look Tonight
Frank Sinatra: Luck be a Lady
Frank Sinatra: Fly Me to the Moon
Frank Sinatra: Theme From New York, New York
Louis Armstrong: What a Wonderful World
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong: Dream a Little Dream of Me
Louis Armstrong: La Vie En Rose
Bobby Darin: Beyond the Sea
Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole: Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful Worl
Harry Connick, Jr.: It Had to be You
Harry Connick, Jr.: Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off
Harry Connick, Jr.: A Wink And A Smile
Harry Connick, Jr.: We Are In Love
Mel Tormé: That’s All
Mel Tormé: Blue Moon
Elvis Presley: Can’t Help Falling In Love
Dean Martin: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head
Dean Martin: Return to Me
Nat King Cole And Natalie Cole: Unforgettable
Nat King Cole: Stardust
Robbie Williams And Frank Sinatra: It Was a Very Good Year
The Penguins: Earth Angel (Will You Be Mine)
Ben E. King: Stand by Me
Michael Bublé: Save The Last Dance For Me
Michael Bublé: You Don’t Know Me
Michael Bublé: Sway
Michael Bublé: Wonderful Tonight
Michael Bublé: Come Fly With Me
Etta James: At Last
Billie Holiday: The Very Thought of You

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower

Trey — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 15:43:18 +0000

The way we eat can often be reflective of our general approach to life, but it’s not only a gauge—our pace can also have a direct impact on our personal well being and interactions throughout the day. Slowing down is a great way to keep your cool in general, but here are five additional benefits that can easily come from applying the principle at meals. In addition to the five reasons Leo notes, I’d also add that slowing down at meals also has an important social benefit—it allows you focus on the people you’re eating with and enjoy the conversation. It’s always nice to have meals center not on the food but on the company. Thanks as always to Leo Babauta for his thoughts. -tg

By Leo Babauta, editor of zenhabits.net.

If you read the Slow Food Manifesto, you’ll see that it’s not just about health — it’s about a lifestyle. And whether you want to adopt that lifestyle or not, there are some reasons you should consider the simple act of eating slower:

One of the problems in our daily lives is that many of us rush through the day, with no time for anything … and when we have time to get a bite to eat, we gobble it down.

That leads to stressful, unhealthy living.

And with the simple but powerful act of eating slower, we can begin to reverse that lifestyle immediately. How hard is it? You take smaller bites, you chew each bite slower and longer, and you enjoy your meal longer.

It takes a few minutes extra each meal, and yet it can have profound effects.

You may have already heard of the Slow Food Movement, started in Italy almost two decades ago to counter the fast food movement. Everything that fast food is, Slow Food isn’t.

Lose weight. A growing number of studies confirm that just by eating slower, you’ll consume fewer calories — in fact, enough to lose 20 pounds a year without doing anything different or eating anything different. The reason is that it takes about 20 minutes for our brains to register that we’re full. If we eat fast, we can continue eating past the point where we’re full. If we eat slowly, we have time to realize we’re full, and stop on time. Now, I would still recommend that you eat healthier foods, but if you’re looking to lose weight, eating slowly should be a part of your new lifestyle.
Enjoy your food. This reason is just as powerful, in my opinion. It’s hard to enjoy your food if it goes by too quickly. In fact, I think it’s fine to eat sinful foods, if you eat a small amount slowly. Think about it: you want to eat sinful foods (desserts, fried foods, pizza, etc.) because they taste good. But if you eat them fast, what’s the point? If you eat them slowly, you can get the same amount of great taste, but with less going into your stomach. That’s math that works for me. And that argument aside, I think you are just happier by tasting great food and enjoying it fully, by eating slowly. Make your meals a gastronomic pleasure, not a thing you do rushed, between stressful events.
Better digestion. If you eat slower, you’ll chew your food better, which leads to better digestion. Digestion actually starts in the mouth, so the more work you do up there, the less you’ll have to do in your stomach. This can help lead to fewer digestive problems.
Less stress. Eating slowly, and paying attention to our eating, can be a great form ofmindfulness exercise. Be in the moment, rather than rushing through a meal thinking about what you need to do next. When you eat, you should eat. This kind of mindfulness, I believe, will lead to a less stressful life, and long-term happiness. Give it a try.
Rebel against fast food and fast life. Our hectic, fast-paced, stressful, chaotic lives — the Fast Life — leads to eating Fast Food, and eating it quickly. This is a lifestyle that is dehumanizing us, making us unhealthy, stressed out, and unhappy. We rush through our day, doing one mindless task after another, without taking the time to live life, to enjoy life, to relate to each other, to be human. That’s not a good thing in my book. Instead, rebel against that entire lifestyle and philosophy … with the small act of eating slower. Don’t eat Fast Food. Eat at a good restaurant, or better yet, cook your own food and enjoy it fully. Taste life itself.

5 Powerful Reasons to Eat Slower at Zen Habits.

The Art of Giving Praise

Trey — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:31:08 +0000

Four Practical Tips for Giving Praise

We all know that genuine praise can brighten the day of not only the recipient, but the praise-giver as well. But how can you ensure that your commendations are received in the spirit they’re intended? Steven DeMaio at The Harvard Business Blog offers four practical tips today in a post entitled The Art of Giving Praise. Here are the four (with my paraphrased explanations):

1. Be truly specific. Anyone can come up with a generic “great job!”, but noting something specific lets the recipient know that you truly noticed something worthwhile. I don’t know if this is what Steven was getting at, but I see it as the positive equivalent of an apology. Sure, it can’t help to just say “I’m sorry” — but it’s an acknowledgment of the specifics that lets the other person know you truly get it.

2. Don’t confuse politeness with praise. It’s certainly important to be polite, but it’s like anything else–when overused it can easily become underappreciated because the impact wears off. If you express thanks and appreciation for everything, don’t expect others to understand praise if it’s couched in the same exact terms.

3. Praise with action, not just words. This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s awfully easy to toss out a few compliments here and there without follow-up. Saying you place full faith and confidence in your people is one thing–actually demonstrating it in a way that they can appreciate is another.

4. Don’t pad constructive criticism with empty praise. Yes, of course it makes sense to phrase things positively–but there can be too much of a good thing. Trying too hard to be positive can undermine your credibility and lead others to doubt the sincerity of your words.

Some of these might take a little effort, but a couple (“being specific” in particular) strike me as things that should be pretty easy to do.

What about you? How do you make sure that your praise actually gets translated as such?

-Trey

The Art of Giving Praise

How to Manage Your Ego So You Can Reach Your Full Potential

Trey — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:25:25 +0000

What’s your primary motivation in life?

Most of us want to achieve something in life…but there are time when our aspirations go beyond being a good steward of the opportunities we’ve been given and taken on a life of their own. They can even be masked in noble terminology like wanting to “leave a legacy” — not an inherently negative thing, but when our egos take charge any noble thing can easily become more about the person and less about the work being accomplished.

Dumb Little Man discussed the Ego yesterday, using movies characters (Johhny Depp as George Jung in Blow, and Denzel Washington as Frank Lucas in American Gangster) as examples of egos run amok. They also shared six signs that someone might be ego-driven.

Check out the article for full descriptions, but these six signs are:

Concern with the approval of others
Fear of asking for help
Comparing and Competing
The constant need for more
Lack of presence
The need to always be right

If found their thought on comparing yourself particularly good:

“People who are driven by ego often fall victim to what I call the comparative and competitive disadvantage. Comparing yourself to others is the ego in one of its most vicious forms. It’s a perpetual losing battle because there will always be somebody better and always somebody worse than you are. Even if you are the best in the world at what you do somebody will always be right on your tail. If you keep seeing your life as a competition with those around you, then you will continually be dissatisfied and the ego will drive your life.”

These are good to keep in mind, especially in a competitive, Type-A culture where everything is about competition and “getting ahead.” I’m sure that many of the factors driving egos are more complicated than I could really comprehend or explain, by I have a suspicion that competitive and aggressive environments that measure us in terms of our outward achievements have to play some kind of role. Or maybe it has less to do with our environment and more to do with basic human nature. In any case, these six signs are good to keep in mind.

-Trey

[How to Manage Your Ego So You Can Reach Your Full Potential at Dumb Little Man]

Peacock Photo by BS_Thurner_Hof, GNU 1.2 License

Manliness and the Gent

Trey — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 03:59:29 +0000

What’s the Connection?

The fine gents at The Art of Manliness (one of our favorite blogs, I might add) have a great post up today titled “The Different Types of Manliness.” In it, they describe six different “types” of men that personify the ideals of manliness in unique ways. Each type is a caricature used to illustrate specific qualities. According to the article, the six include The Warrior, The Lone Wolf, The Adventurer, The Gentleman, The Statesman, and The Family Man.

I won’t go into the full description of each type here (read their post), but their description of the external characteristics of a gentleman is quite good:

“The gentleman is suave, urbane, polite and respectful to all, both to inferiors and superiors. Dapper in dress, proficient in the conversational arts, confident and witty, he easily wins friends and woos the ladies. He is skilled in and knowledgeable about arts, culture, and current events.”

They provide a similar description for each of the types, and ultimately make the argument that each offers something unique and that no single type is any better than the others. As they put it,

“From the warrior we learn courage; from the lone wolf we come to understand the importance of individuality; the adventurer teaches us to find ways to explore wherever we are in life; the gentleman rounds off our rough edges; the statesman reminds us to be civic-minded, and the family man teaches us about selflessness.”

A very good point, because any successful leader will incorporate the best qualities of each. We happen to focus on the gentlemen here, but we’re very thankful to sites like The Art of Manliness for covering the whole equation. They give us context and perspective, and in doing so, help us focus on our particular niche. Our hope is to offer up a perspective that those with different approaches may find helpful as well.

The Characteristics of a Gentleman: More Important With Time?

If you consider being a gentleman an end itself, then I’d agree that the characteristics described are just one way for core values to manifest themselves. No type can be any more or less important than the others. But if being a gentleman is more an approach than a destination, for most men this means that that it increases in relative importance over time.

Why? If you examine the description of a gentleman used by The Art of Manliness, you’ll see that most of the characteristics actually revolve around the way the gentleman interacts with others and society. This type of interaction becomes increasingly important in leadership roles, primarily because of the increased emphasis placed on interpersonal relationships and communication skills. This isn’t a matter of principle but of practicality: professional progress usually results in displacement from the tactical (hands-on) level and puts men into positions where interpersonal skill and charisma are crucial to the ability to lead.

In the business world, most managers that come up through the ranks of a company usually face a moment when they have to relinquish their role in day-to-day affairs and become “the management.” So while it’s possible for any type of man to progress in their field, the interpersonal nature of a gentleman’s skill set means that there’s a natural tendency for it to be adopted by leaders of all types.

An Officer and a Gentleman – The Military Example

As an example, note that a military General—no matter how brave—will rarely actually have to face the enemy face to face. He’s simply too important, and his value lies in his ability to set a vision, clearly convey strategy and approach, and lead and inspire others to go forward. These skills are rooted in his role as a warrior, but they are primarily interpersonal in nature. This is the realm of a gentleman.

It’s possible to be a foot soldier without knowing anything beyond your immediate circumstances—all that’s required is an ability and willingness to follow orders. But if you want to be a General, you have to know how the things you’re asking of your men fit in to the big picture. You have to be able to communicate your vision to subordinates. You have to inspire the confidence that would lead a soldier to put his life on the line, and you definitely have to keep your cool under fire. Many soldiers can be tough—but those that aspire to become Generals usually have to become gentlemen as well.

As a cadet at the Air Force Academy, one of the key lessons that I learned from the very first day was the importance of being not only an officer, but an officer and a gentleman. What the military refers to as “customs and courtesies” are not only as part of military discipline, but also a key component of leadership training that’s ultimately applicable far beyond the battlefield.

The Bottom Line

The superficial stuff of a gentleman—style, class, and taste—may seem important at times, but they really don’t matter all that much in the long run when compared to the interpersonal qualities that really matter. The meaningful and substantive characteristics are those that allow one to lead and serve effectively, and I’d suggest that to the extent that these characteristics can be found in a gentleman, they can also enable the success of any type of man.

-Trey

Original Article: The Different Types of Manliness at The Art of Manliness

How to Communicate Like Ben Bernanke

Trey — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:38:46 +0000

Leaders have a natural tendency to take charge, and during meetings this often means that they end up driving the conversation. In many cases this makes sense, especially when the intent is for send-receive (generally one way) communication. However, there are also many times when this isn’t the goal, and the conversation needs to focus on dialogue, brainstorming, and sharing ideas. What then? What’s a boss or leader to do?

According to the Harvard Business Review, the answer can be found in the approach of Ben Bernanke. Their idea is that leaders need to be comfortable and confident enough in their position that they’re willing to forgo the opportunity to speak their minds up front.

“Letting others take the lead in discussions when you’re the boss is not a sign of insecurity; it can be a sign that you are in control. You are not seeking to impose your will on discussion; you are facilitating alternative points of view. This is essential to establishing the trust necessary to broker agreements between parties who don’t agree.”

Bernanke, they say, models this approach very well. In contrast with Greenspan, he often lets other participants have their say before jumping in—something that works very well when working with groups that don’t see eye-to-eye.

Moderation in all things of course–they also note that decisive action and bold action are necessary at times, because the more legislative role of “facilitating discussions” (as opposed to executive decision making or dictating) is only one aspect of leadership.

So what’s the lesson? Not that it’s better to speak or not to speak, but that it’s not always necessary for a leader to drive the conversation right off the bat—especially in circumstances when mediation or reconciliation of divergent viewpoints is necessary.

-Trey

Original Article: How to Communicate Like Ben Bernanke

Embrace Awkwardness

briang — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:39:16 +0000

Everyone has awkward moments. Yes, everyone. Even the suave and professional people we look up to. Naturally, we want to limit our awkwardness. Awkwardness is, well, awkward!

So the idea that awkwardness can be a good thing is counter-intuitive. But here is why it is true: making an effort to not be awkward cannot prevent you from having awkward experiences (they are inevitable), but it can create more awkwardness.

Therefore you might as well break your fear of it right now by embracing it. Embracing it will in the long run make you less awkward. But you don’t embrace the awkward solely for the sake of becoming less awkward. That’s just the natural outcome. You have to break the fear of the awkwardness so that you are better able to learn and to enjoy life and relationships, and really engage people.

You can be a less awkward conversationalist because you do not worry about the state of the conversation constantly. When we worry about it too much, rather than having a conversation, we start playing competition of who can act the most in line with convention (and perhaps how far someone will dare to the edge without actually getting too close), and when we try to compete, we are no longer practicing.

Being worried about awkwardness will stunt your growth and confidence. Letting yourself be awkward will let you venture into a really interesting conversations and interactions. Awkwardness is not itself a good thing, but being able to enjoy it is, and will ultimately give you a confidence which will be anything but awkward.

Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro in "Meet the Parents", a study in awkwardness.

Brian G.

Keep Your Cool by Walking Slowly

timmyg — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:35:28 +0000

We’re in a rat race. You’ve seen it: the business men running down the sidewalk to make a meeting, the women speed-walking down the street without even noticing your presence. The human race is in a seemingly endless race to get ahead in life, the point being to advance oneself at a faster rate than anyone else. A gentleman doesn’t approach life with such an attitude.

This is not to say that a gentleman is not successful. A gentleman uses his wits and talent to become successful. However, this should not consume him. A gentleman has class, sophistication, and is content in all situations. So how is one to practice this ever important concept of contentment?

An easy way to begin is to practice walking slowly. Walk slowly wherever you go. This is not just when you are taking a walk around the block, but when you are out to lunch, when you are on your way to work or school. Whenever you need to walk somewhere! So, why do this you ask?

Well, to start, slow walking:

1. Keeps you calm and unstressed – We tend to rush to wherever we are going…even when we aren’t late! When you force yourself into a hurry, you will feel like you are late. If you slow it down a sense of calmness is easier to achieve. After all, we all know and love Thomas Jefferson’s quote: “Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”

2. Allows you to focus on your surroundings – You’ve heard the term-Stop and smell the roses. Not only does this allow you to truly appreciate the world around you, but a Gent must always be aware of everything going on around him. It enables him to react to any situation-to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances!!

3. Keeps things in perspective – Moving your feet faster doesn’t make the earth spin faster! Of course there are times when you’ll need to get somewhere quickly, but most of the time the time you save isn’t worth the added stress!

Remember you’re just a human being on earth for a limited amount of time, so slow down, enjoy the walk, and keep your cool!

-TimmyG

How to Pick a Playlist When Hosting an Event

Trey — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:20:34 +0000

We all have our own preferred music, but the bands we rock out to in the car or gym don’t always play as well at a dinner party or other formal event. Of course, it’s entirely possible that Linkin Park or Incubus will go over great with the baby boomers–but it’s probably better to pick something a little more subtle until it’s just friends left.

So how do you pick an event playlist when it’s hard enough to stay on top of the genres that you already know and listen to every day? It’s not an easy task–but as someone who really loves music, I’ve spent what many might consider too much time contemplating the issue. Let me try to spare you the agony of going through the same thing by offering a few simple suggestions.

Before considering what specific music to play at any event, it’s important to first understand the intent–what role is the music intended to play? Typically, music isn’t the focus of the event, and if anything (content, style, volume, etc.) ends up mismatched it can become distracting fairly quickly. No matter the type of event, music typically should be geared towards two objectives:

It should helps guests enjoy themselves
It should make guests feel comfortable

You do want your guests to feel relaxed and have good associations, right? :) So with those two objectives in mind, let’s consider a few factors:

This should go without saying, but the formality of the music should correspond with the formality of the event. You wouldn’t play classical music at a BBQ–neither would you play Lynyrd Skynyrd at a black tie dinner (exceptions abound, of course).
The majority of the music should be consistent with the overall mood you’re trying to set–if it’s fast and upbeat, play uptempo music about two thirds of the time and let off the gas for a bit by throwing in some more relaxed fare as well. Similarly, if you’re hoping to have a relaxing evening, still remember to include some faster tunes about a third of the time. You have to vary it up–if it’s all fast-paced or mellow you’ll either wear people out or bore them to death. There has to be enough variation to give your guests a break and keep them interested.
In all cases, the music should be upbeat and generally positive, regardless of the tempo. ”Downer” lyrics are almost always something to avoid (so resist the temptation to play Johnny Cash’s cover of Hurt, no matter how great it is). Give your guests positive associations with the event!
Remember that certain genres just aren’t suited for more formal affairs. I like hard rock as much as anyone out there, but it’s better suited for playing cards or pool, and not necessarily having a quiet conversation with a boss or explaining something to your neighbor’s kid. Maybe it’s rap for someone else. Just remember, if the music is something you couldn’t play for a elementary school class or your mother, it’s probably best to leave it out. Again, there are exceptions to everything–but the general principle applies. If you want guests to feel comfortable, keep it safe until it’s just close friends left–then feel free to rock out.
Consider your audience. If you want your guests to feel comfortable, pick something that’s not too much of a stretch. It doesn’t matter how great the playist is, if your guests are expecting something else it’ll put a damper on things.
If you’re confident in your song selections, feel free to play music that you know others have never hear but you know they’d like. Otherwise, it’s best to go with what people know–especially classic songs with which people have a positive associations. For a formal dinner, this might be Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon. For a BBQ, maybe it’s Jack and Diane or Hotel California.
Finally (and this isn’t specific to your playlist), don’t sweat it too much–and pay as little attention as possible to things like music after your guests arrive. Anything intended to enhance an evening should do just that–and the last thing you want to do is constantly be changing things, talking about how hard you worked, or worrying about whether people are enjoying or noticing the details. Just relax and don’t sweat the small stuff–there are much more important aspects to the evening than things like music. The easiest way to ensure your guests won’t notice something you regret is to not draw attention to it. Nothing makes guests feel more uneasy than a host who obviously isn’t comfortable in their own environment. Lead the way in relaxing and having fun!

For specific recommendations geared toward certain genres or events, keep checking back–we’re working on lists of our personal favorites. Feel free to post your own thoughts or recommendations in the comments!

-tg

30 Things to Do to Keep From Getting Bored Out of Your Skull at Work

Trey — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:06:55 +0000

“The war between being and nothingness is the underlying illness of the twentieth century. Boredom slays more of existence than war.”

– Norman Mailer

[Editor's note: Thanks to Leo Babauta for these practical tips for fighting boredom. It's surprising how it's presence in one area of life can trickle in others…so the battle against boredom at work can be more significant than we might think at first. -tg]

By Leo Babauta, editor of zenhabits.net.

I’m not one to get bored, ever … but a number of readers have written in with the question: What do I do if I’m bored out of my skull at work?

It gave me pause, to think about why I can’t recall ever getting that bored at work. And I realized: I always keep myself busy, doing something, whether it’s productive or not.

Sometimes, I’m creating a new project, or improving myself somehow … but sometimes I just find interesting stuff to read online or find a cool solitaire game to play. (Well, I haven’t played any games in awhile, but Freecell used to be my poison of choice a few years ago.)

So the short answer: just find things to entertain yourself. Keep your mind busy. Challenge yourself. Talk to somebody. Break out of your mold.

The longer answer has to do with analyzing why you’re bored in the first place. Is your job that boring? Are you really doing what you want to be doing? Is there a way to start pursuing something better? Or are you already in a great job, but something or someone is holding you back? And what can you do to improve the situation?

I’m not going to pursue the longer answer in this post, but give you some ideas for the shorter answer. It’s not an exhaustive list of ideas. Just some things I’ve done to keep my mind busy — pick and choose those that might work for you.

Create a new challenge. I think this is by far the best thing on the list, but you may differ. Many times we’re bored because we don’t have a challenge — things are too easy or routine. So instead of waiting for someone to create a challenge for you, do it yourself. How can you challenge yourself? Set a new goal at work. Challenge yourself to produce more than ever. Explore new projects. Set personal goals and pursue them. Whatever excites you.
Pursue your next job. If your job is so boring you don’t know what to do with yourself, you may need to move on. But instead of quitting right away, start lining up your next gig first. Look around for openings, call people, update your resume and submit it to a few places, pick up a few applications, send out some email feelers. Find something that will never get you bored, something you’ll be passionate about.
List your life goals. What is it you want to accomplish in life? Not just with work, but personally? If you’ve listed them before, it’s always good to update them. Then choose one of those goals to achieve this year. Now think about what you can do today to move closer to that goal, even if it’s just a small thing. Get the ball rolling. Do this every day — move yourself closer to that goal.
Read Zen Habits. Or whatever your favorite distraction is. If it’s something that will improve your life, even better. Just limit how long you read at one time, so you’re not reading through the Zen Habits archives in one sitting.
Declutter your workspace. If I’ve got nothing better to do, I’ll clear off my desk (if there’s anything there), or start looking around critically at everything in view and asking myself, “Does that really need to be there? How can I simplify this?” Weird, I know, but I have an oddly uncluttered workspace. Right now my desk is a table, my iMac, an nothing else. No files, no papers, no office supplies, nothing. Everything is done on my computer, and I love it that way. Nothing on my walls. You may not need anything as spartan as that, but decluttering can be a lot of fun.
Pursue a hobby. My hobby (until it became a profession) was blogging … I would do it at work in my spare time, or before or after work. Not everyone can pursue their hobby at work — the model airplane glue might bother your coworkers, for example — but sometimes you can just read about it while at work. I was upfront about my blogging and freelancing at work with my boss, btw, but many people get away with doing it on the sly. I won’t make a recommendation, but just don’t get fired.
Make your work a game. You can make a game out of anything. See how many widgets you can crank in 10 minutes. Pretend that your coworkers are evil villains. Imagine that you are a CIA agent in disguise, and no one knows. Or a fairy princess. Whatever floats your boat. :)
Educate yourself. On Guam, this is called “edumacation” — it’s not a real word, but we like to play with English. Whatever you call it, you can improve your knowledge online in any area — whether that be work-related or not. Be your own college instructor. Wikipedia is a great place to start, but if you’re going to have a specialized knowledge in anything, branch out from there.
Improve your skills. Along the same lines: choose a skill that needs sharpening, and challenge yourself to get better at it. Whether that’s computer programming, writing, working with Adobe InDesign, or whatever. Perfect your skills — you can use it to further your career, get a new job, or become self-employed. Or just have the satisfaction of knowing you’re the best you can be at that skill.
Play Sudoku. Perhaps not the most intellectual game of all time, or the most exciting … but I still find it a lot of fun. I only played it a little while and didn’t get addicted like other people I know, but I have to admit it’s a fun way to pass the time.
Choose a soothing desktop picture. I like to do this when I’m procrastinating. I will go online, to flickr or some desktop wallpaper website and browse around until I find a very simple, soothing picture. I do this maybe every month or so. In fact, I’m going to go do that right now!
Do some pushups and crunches. If you’re bored, you might as well start getting in shape. You can do pushups and crunches right there on the floor next to your desk (or go outside if you’re worried about your coworkers seeing you). Or walk up some steps, or do squats and lunges without weights, or dips in your chair, or butt squeezes (that means squeeze your own butt, not your coworkers’).
Take a day or two off. Sometimes you just need to refresh yourself, recharge your batteries before starting again. Don’t do any work while you’re out. Veg out, or read, or sleep, or exercise, or whatever. Get your mind off work. Think about your priorities. Get out in nature. Reconnect with your life.
Take a walk. Often this is all I need, especially if I’ve been sitting all day and my blood is pooling up in my butt and legs. I need to get that blood circulating! Go outside, walk around, look at people, look at nature, think about your day and your life and the people in it.
Drink some water. Dehydration can make us tired and sluggish. Water can refresh us. Keep that water coming all day long — you may need to pee more though.
Call a loved one. What better time to call someone to catch up, to tell them you love them, to just say hi … than when you’ve got nothing better to do. It’s a nice way to stay connected.
Read. I like to carry a novel everywhere I go. Then I whip it out anytime I have spare time, waiting at the doctor’s office, in line at the post office, driving in the Indy 500 … you know. If not a novel, carry around a “to read” folder with stuff you want or need to read but don’t have time for right now … then whip it out at your desk when you’re bored. You could have a “to read” folder on your computer too.
Start writing your novel. Many of us have a novel that’s tossing itself around in our heads and hearts, waiting to come out. Well, start getting it out, mister. Just start by writing some notes, thinking about characters and plot and what the hell this book is about anyway. It’s not going to come out by itself.
Take a nap. If you don’t have a good place to do this, you can curl up under your desk with a sweater, or go to your car and sleep. I’ve learned how to fall asleep at my chair, but thank goodness I’m working at home and can go to the couch in a napping emergency.
Create a new project or role. If things are stagnating at work, start something new. Create and innovate. What can you do that has a lasting impact for your company and for yourself, for your career? If you’re stuck in a dead-end role, create a new role for yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s not in the job description. Find something that’s not being done by someone else, something that needs to be done or that hasn’t been thought of yet, but that would really benefit the company — and take it upon yourself to do it. You might need to talk to your boss, but sometimes you can just start doing something and inform the higher-ups later. If it’s good for the company, and if they’re smart, they’ll be happy.
Write a love letter. If you have a significant other, write a letter telling them why you love them. They’ll love it. Email is fine, but pen and paper are even better.
Do one small thing to make yourself wealthier. That might be creating a savings account if you don’t have one yet, or setting up an automatic transfer between checking and savings every payday, or researching a money market fund or index fund, or simply reading Get Rich Slowly or The Simple Dollar for personal finance basics.
Write a blog post. This is something I love to do when things get slow. I’ll just call up a text file and start writing. I love lists, of course (you guys should know that by now), so often I’ll just start making a list, and writing down my thoughts. If things are really slow, I’ll do the whole blog post. I can always post it later if necessary. Make sure you love what you’re writing about.
Do an errand. This can either be in the office (“Where’s that ink cartridge I’ve been needing all week?”) or outside the office (“I really should buy toilet paper today!”). It gets you moving, it gets you away from the scene of your boredom, and it accomplishes something useful.
Update your personal finances. I used to track my finances through Microsoft Money, but I’ve since switched to using a Google spreadsheet, so that it’s online and accessible from anywhere. I considered other online solutions, but personally, I like to keep things as simple as possible. However you do it, it’s a good idea to update your financial tracking system once a week or so, so that you know where you stand and you don’t overspend. Got some spare time? Update.
Meditate at your desk. Some people would say this is just a fancy term for taking a nap. But for me the key is not to fall asleep, but to close my eyes and focus on my breathing. Nothing new-agey about this — it brings your focus back to the present and calms you. Sometimes it’ll calm you so much you’ll fall asleep. I say, two birds, one stone.
Organize your files. OK, this might seem boring to many people, but I like to organize things. I get a perverse satisfaction from purging useless stuff and having everything be smaller, neater, and in order. And it doesn’t take long.
Clear out your inbox. I get joy out of an empty inbox, whether that’s my email inbox or physical one. Crank through it until it’s empty — you don’t have to do everything in the inbox, but just make a note of it on your to-do list if you plan to do it later (or delete, file, forward, or do it now). Got a thousand or two emails in your inbox? Put them in a temporary folder and do them later, starting with a fresh inbox. Chances are, you won’t need to do them at all. Now just keep your inbox empty from here on out.
Crank up the tunes. Some funky or upbeat tunes might just do the trick. They can make any job much more fun. Either play it on your speakers if your coworkers don’t mind, or plug in the earbuds. Currently on my playlist: Radiohead, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Jack Johnson, Snow Patrol … I could go on and on.
Get wild! Sometimes we just need to let loose. Start singing at the top of your lungs, or dance around the office. Sure, people might stare or laugh, but a little fun in the office isn’t a bad thing. Or get out of the office and do something fun or crazy. One afternoon of wildity isn’t going to hurt you (well, stay away from things that are illegal or life-threatening, if possible).

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
- Dorothy Parker

This post and others from Leo Babauta can found at http://zenhabits.net. Used with the author’s permission.

Original Article at Zen Habits.

Know Just a Little (About a Lot)

Trey — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 21:05:17 +0000

“Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.”
– Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)

One of the key GCS principles is the idea that a broad knowledge base is vital for anyone who wanting to engage the world at their full potential. This is an assertion that’s easy to make, but not something that’s always easy to apply in a world that places an extraordinarily emphasis on developing skills and expertise that can be very specific. In other words, our lives and priorities are often centered on developing practical (and specific) skill sets, because we’re taught the importance of depth, but not breadth. This is understandable—it’s depth that allows an athlete or musician to excel in his field, and it’s depth that produces world-class science, research, and technology. It’s depth that put a man on the moon, and it’s usually depth that allows us to excel in our hobbies, interests, or even leisure activities.

So if our world seems geared towards rewarding expertise, why seek out knowledge that’s a mile wide and an inch deep?

To put it simply, it’s something than allows us to engage more effectively with the world around us.

Without diminishing the importance of depth, our particular focus at GCS is on developing our skills and abilities in the way that we relate to other people and society at large—and in most cases, we’d argue that this requires breadth, not depth. Certainly, depth might help us individually—and in many cases it also enables us to make a difference in the lives of others. What patient doesn’t want their surgeon to be exceptionally skilled?

But while depth might be valuable, specific expertise is something we can usually apply only to circumstances that are equally specific. If we want to be effective in life across the board, it’s essential to be equipped for whatever situation or circumstance we might encounter. This doesn’t mean that we have to excel in everything we do—only that we need enough knowledge to navigate the world effectively.

While many of the reasons we often cite for the importance of an education (personal enrichment, professional development, or even knowledge for knowledge’s sake) apply to both general and specific knowledge, there are many advantages that only a broad knowledge base can provide.

Here are some practical examples:

As a conversation tool.
How many times have we all experienced that awkward silence at a dinner party or event when you realize you don’t have anything to discuss? There are many practical techniques for overcoming these moments—everything from conversational techniques to tricks for physically escaping without offense—but the easiest is this: know enough about the topics at hand to keep the conversation moving! Even the smallest amount of knowledge about a topic can be enough to give you something to contribute and keep things lively. It’s not necessary to be the center of attention—only to ask halfway intelligent questions that give other people the chance to move things along. In fact, this leads us to a second example…
As a way to bring out the best in others.
A broad knowledge base makes it much easier ask questions intended to give others the chance to talk about something they know well (this can be particularly helpful when engaging in a group in which one person tends to monopolize the conversation). Knowing a little bit about a topic also enables you to contribute something without being tempted to go overboard and monopolize yourself. Giving others the chance to shine makes it much more likely that they’ll feel understood…something that can often be much more important that being considered “right.”
As a tool for gaining more knowledge.
A knowledge base is like credit—you can certainly build it from scratch, but it’s much easier if there’s something to begin with. Everyone who becomes an expert has to start out as a novice, and one of the most effective ways to gain in-depth knowledge can be to begin with a grasp of the big picture. This makes it possible to mentally connect new information with what you already know, and enables you to draw connections without having to relearn concepts over-and-over. This can lead to a “snow-ball” effect that increases overall comprehension exponentially.
As a basis for understanding what influences and shapes those around us.
Effective interactions with any individual or group (even at the societal level) requires a grasp of their influences—most importantly, those situations, motivations, and events that led to the current day. The Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu (6^th Century BC) noted: “It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.” This concept certainly isn’t unique to war or conflict—it’s essential to understand not only ourselves but those with whom we interact in any context. How can we expect to fully understand those with whom we interact if we don’t have a more general grasp of why things are the way they are? This might not be required of a foot soldier that needs only to follow his orders to kill—but for the General, it’s vitally important.
As a sign of what it says about us and our role in the world.
Every one of our words and deeds sends a message to those around us and reflects something about who we are and how we perceive ourselves. These messages have a tendency to be self-fulfilling; perceptions greatly influence the way we interact with the world and set the stage for our own expectations and those placed upon us. As a result, the messages we send to others can affect greatly who we ultimately become. A broad knowledge base sends the message that we have high expectations of ourselves and that our interests—and our vision for our role in the world—extend beyond the immediate issues that we face on a daily basis. Confidence perpetuates itself—and a broad knowledge base demonstrates confidence in your ability to make sense of the world around you.

As we noted up front, actually building and maintaining breadth of knowledge can be exceptionally difficult when day-to-day life requires that our attention be focused on more pressing matters. These are only a few examples of why a broad knowledge base is important and how it can help. For practical tips and techniques for getting a grasp of the “big picture,” keep reading The Gent’s Cheat Sheet as we share the best of what we can find.

-tg